Thanks to one of my co-workers from Avenue A , also a Facebook friend, for reminding me about "Peggy's 50 things to do before she reaches 51." She had been reading about my "Miller Bucket List" and realized that she still had an email that I had sent people shortly after my 50th birthday. So she forwarded it on to me and it was, with great interest, that I sat and reread that list of 50 things.
I now recall, very vividly, why I even thought of such a list in the first place. Turning 50 years old was a bit of a "slap in the face" for me and with an average life expectancy for women in the U.S. ranging from 77-80 years of age...well, you know what that means. Even a "sub-average" math student like me can do THAT calculation. It means that the next 30 years are going to go a whole lot faster than the first 50 did!
I cannot say that I panicked or felt this overwhelming sense of doom over me. Instead, I began to very quickly think about what I wanted to do yet in this life as well as prepare my 3 children for my inevitable passing, somewhere in the future. So, I sat down at the computer and devised my "list" and started to work.
In 2005, I had never even heard of the term "bucket list". Hearing that phrase would have meant absolutely nothing to me. It would be brought to light a few years later when "The Bucket List" was released starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. According to the "Urban Dictionary", the term "bucket list" simply refers to a list of things you'd like to do before you die. It derives its name from the phrase "kicked the bucket." So, I guess it looks like I'm already on Bucket List #2!
I won't go into the entire 50 things, but I'd like to tell you about a few of them I did before my 51st birthday. And, admittedly, there were several things that, for one reason or another, remain to be completed.
7 of the most crucial ones were dealt with right away. These pertained to my own eventual demise and what I wanted my children to do in that event. It wasn't fun, even remotely to take care of this part, but I didn't "die" from it. ( LOL ) Because I wanted to be cremated, I took a friend and my daughter Ursela to visit a cremation facility. I was satisfied with what would happen to me and decided that I would opt for that method of disposal of my body. I chose a funeral home and set up the arrangements for what would be done. It took 3 years, but little by little, each month, I paid a portion of the balance until it was all completed last summer. The only thing from the first 7 that I didn't take care of immediately was where I should have my cremains buried. But this spring, following the advice of a very dear friend, I decided to have my urn placed next to my great-great grandmother in a tiny Quaker Cemetery just outside of Halstead, KS. I had a will drawn up so that the kids would know what to do with my belongings and signed my "living will" so that my passing could be as dignified as possible. Finally, I made sure that my kids knew my desire was to be an "organ donor" and I reminded them that it should be any and all organs, including skin. And with that, 7 things from that original list were already taken care...just like that! And as of this moment, I'm still VERY much alive.
And you know, dealing with the "not so nice" stuff right away allows you to pay more time and attention to the stuff that actually could be fun. The kind of stuff that you always say "I'm going to do that!" but somehow or another time slips away, sometimes for "good."
As I looked at the items already checked off of that original list, I noticed that I'd accomplished several of the fun things already. I spent a day at the spa and got my first massage and pedicure.
I took a day off from work and rode my bike to Haven and back as well as walking the entire length of the Martinez Trail from Rice Park to Carey Park. And perhaps the most fun, was taking my second power parachute ride. I witnessed the most absolutely beautiful sunrise and sunset during that year. It must have made an indelible mark on me because I added those two very things to my current bucket list.
Probably 25% of the original list of 50 things were never accomplished and I guess that's not such a horrible thing. Maybe they weren't as important as I once felt they were. In fact, most of THOSE things I have no real desire to do this day. Thus I say "good-bye, farewell, and AMEN" to them and move other more important things into their spots. And that's what a "bucket list" is for....to do the things that are most meaningful in a person's life.
One of the things on the list was to write a letter each month, that year, to a person who had made a big impact on my life, for the good. It was supposed to be a reminder to me that NO ONE in this life gets to where they are at without the help, guidance, and support of a lot of people. It was pretty easy for me to choose my 12 "mentors."
One of them, Lowell Bilsten, was an elderly gentleman that I took care of during 2005-06 when I worked as a CNA at the care facility he was living at. I just fell in love with that dear " 90 something" fellow and had so many good visits while I was taking care of him. He would always ask me, when I came into his room, "Is that you Florence? Florence Nightengale?" "Yes, sir...that's me!" I would reply and he always had a big smile upon his face.
I wanted to write the letter to Lowell to thank him for what he had done, how knowing him had made my life so much better. Unfortunately, the day before I would have given his letter to him, he passed away. I wrote it anyway and gave it to his daughter. They read it at his funeral. I'm attaching a copy of it at the bottom of this post.
So, why, in the "summer of my 56th year" am I telling you, friends, all of this? Is there a lesson to be learned in it for one of you perhaps? I don't think any of us ever hear someone remark, "Man, I can't believe how slow the past 6 years have went!" And by the way, have you guys ever noticed that sometimes when you are asked how old you are, you actually have to stop a minute and figure it out? Well, that's NOT because the span of time moves at a snail's pace.....it's because "time flies when you are having fun" is more than just some witty saying that someone thought of. Lost, spent and wasted time are just that, GONE.
Please, even if you don't ever develop a "bucket list", at least have some type of idea of what is most important to you in this life and don't ever deviate from it. Perhaps the last thing your kids ever want to hear you talk about is the making of your own funeral plans, but they WILL get over it. So if you decide you wish to have that ready so they don't have to plan it, then do so. Never been to a spa or had a massage? What's stopping you, if you really want it? And, even though I've not been fishing for a long time, I KNOW that the pole actually has to be dipped into the river before you're ever going to catch that big fish you've been dreaming of. Please don't wait! Just saying....and remember, I'm not "the boss"....I'm just bossy. :)
Here's my letter to Lowell......
To my dear Lowell,
This letter belongs to you with sincere thanks for the great influence that you have had upon the life of a "lowly" CNA and teacher, Peggy Miller. I tried to tell you, with each visit that we had, how much I enjoyed taking care of you while you lived at Good Samaritan and that I will always remember and love you, my friend.
Sir, you have taught me so many things in this short span of time. Among them, I will always recall....
How special the "human touch" is and that a warm hand can help in even the roughest of days.
How important it is to remember the state capitals of all 50 U.S. states in case you should quiz me over them during meal times!
How wonderful it is to have family and to be proud of them and all of their many accomplishments.
How very much the gift of personal time can be so appreciated...........
I will always recall the visit that you and I had one Sunday evening. It was our "date". $1.34 for a dip of strawberry ice cream from Braums and 30 minutes of my time enabled both of us to share happy memories of days gone by. Perhaps it would have been such a LITTLE thing to other people but to us it meant the world!
Well, Lowell, it seems as though you have made it to Heaven before me but do look for me to also get there someday too. I don't know yet when that will be but I will surely see you again. I was blessed to know and to love you Mr. Bilsten. Until we see one another again, I remain your dear friend, Peggy
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