As I sit here and write this post, I do so with the realization that having a "bucket list" has innumerable benefits that I never even thought of until now. One of the greatest benefits, I believe, is a bucket list's ability to help fight depression. So, if you don't mind, I'd like to talk about that subject....depression.
I don't know about the rest of you, but life has this way of getting pretty depressing at times for me. It comes from a combination of things that one would normally attribute feeling "blue or low" to. You know, things like, a death in the family, loss of a job, working at a job you hate, being divorced and then alone, economic issues...and the list goes on and on. Sometimes I've even felt depressed for no apparent reason...kind of like when everything "seems" like it's fine on the outside but something isn't quite right on the inside. And for the life of me, I cannot "put a finger" on what makes me feel depressed.
I've fought depression off and on now for the past 10 years. No, I am going to be honest...I've fought it for the past 26 years. I've taken medicine and seen countless therapists over the years but nothing has really done the trick completely. My greatest outlet for the relief of depression has been to write and write and write. I have filled countless notebooks with my thoughts, hopes, and fears. In the midst of all the journal making, I discovered that I actually liked to write....a nice surprise for me.
Friends, thanks for letting me drop off an additional "heavy load" that I've been carrying over the years. I haven't told all that many people that depression and I are on a "first name basis" and I'm not sure why. Some people who suffer depression express the feeling that they don't want others to think of them as "weak" and you know, I pretty much understand how they feel. But for me, I know that it would have been "weak" to continue to suffer from it and not get any help to get through it.
I'm going to guess that my overall mental, emotional, and physical health have improved a "thousand fold" this summer as I have worked through so many of the items on the Miller Bucket List. Having a list has given me the chance to focus more on the positive things this life has to offer. The negative things are still there, but now I seem to be able to look at them in their proper perspective. And by the way, my prescription for Welbutrin remains "unfilled" since early April....and I like that!
Having already finished several things on my original list...it's definitely time to add a few more and begin to work on them. I will ALWAYS follow the admonition of my very good friend who told me to remember, "you can't kick a full bucket." So here's the new list that still contains 3 or 4 items from the original list:
1. To canoe down the Ark River once again on an Indian Summer day.
2. To ride on the back of a motorcycle, kind of fast, and live to tell about it.
3. To visit Maine and see a lighthouse.
4. To learn how to drive a standard transmission vehicle.
5. To learn how to sew something very simple.
6. To connect with all of my Facebook friends in person and buy them something to drink.
7. To visit the land of my father's "adopted state" of North Dakota and follow his custom combining route to get there.
8. To learn to be more "forgiving" of myself.
9. To continue to "reconnect" with family members living all over the United States.
10.To NEVER allow my "bucket" to become empty.
Hey, guess what? It sure feels good to not be carrying around that stupid backpack that contained all my fears about letting you know what I sometimes go through in being depressed. Whew! My step just got a WHOLE lot lighter! :)
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