I don't know if any of you are like me, but let me ask you this....Do you often find that you are harder on yourself than you are on others? Do you sometimes find that you are your own worst enemy? If you said "yes" to either of those, well, then you and I have something in common.
It's an opportune time to "throw off another heavy backpack" that I have been carrying for some time now--and it's a backpack full of regrets from my time spent as a member of the "sandwich generation". I am going to make a wild guess that at least a FEW of you reading this will see yourselves in my words. And if that's the case, then feel free to shed your backpacks, filled with regrets, with mine. I'm thinking we don't need them any longer.
By definition, the term "sandwich generation"gives reference to the generation of people who care for their aging parents while they support their own children. Up until 2007, I belonged to that group of folks. My membership "lapsed" on September 25, 2007--the day that my mom passed away and my siblings and I officially became orphans.
Mom lived in a long-term care facility for the last four years of her life. Friends, I wish I could tell you that she loved every minute of it--the truth is, she hated nearly every minute of it. Try as all of us might, we just couldn't seem to make life better for her. The food was always rotten, the hallways were perpetually noisy, call lights took forever to be answered, and the days ALWAYS seemed to drag on and on and on.
If you are a member of the "sandwich generation" and have taken care of elderly parents, then perhaps you know all too well the feelings that I'm describing. As an adult "child" trying to do not only what is best for your aging parents as well as for yourself and your family, life can get pretty stressful. It's just like being the "plate spinner"--only sometimes it's not just a few plates that fall, but the entire "48-piece" setting that crashes to the ground! And some days, well friends, you just cannot win, no matter how hard you try.
I was just taking a "look-see" inside that backpack of regrets I was telling you about. I'm going to say right now, in front of everyone, that I'm a bit ashamed of what I must admit. Right at the top are all the bad feelings I had of having to take care of my mom's needs. For the times that I grumbled to myself about having to go up and check on why her medicine wasn't given properly or why she had to wait forever to get some help, I'm sorry. On those occasions when mom would call to complain about things that I had no power over, why couldn't I have listened with a more caring heart? At times, it seemed as though mom had nothing to say except negative things about life. Why was she still here? Why did she have to suffer?--both questions that weighed quite heavy on her heart, mind, and spirit. And as her daughter, who loved her very much, well guys, it was just plain overwhelmingly depressing.
I have thrown my unneeded backpack of regret on the pyre, along with the ones you may have just now tossed over your shoulders. I am going to accept the fact that we are all only human and that we do the best we can under some of the toughest of life's circumstances. And we make mistakes each day, and THEN we just plain-old go on! Whew, I should have tossed that crummy old backpack months ago. Sure does feel good to let it go.
If I could send mom a message in Heaven, it would be this--
Dear Mom-
How are things today in Heaven? No need to answer that one, for I already know the answer! I think of you each day and miss the sound of your voice on the phone. You know, Cindy and I often laugh about all the McDonald's hamburgers you ate. Guess you finally figured out they were no longer 49 cents..(a private joke) lol, but we did it because we loved you. We did a lot of things because we loved you and even though we miss you today, we'd never wish you back to be so very sick and tired again. We are all doing well and trying our best to some day make it to where you and Daddy are. Until then Mom, know that I love you and am glad for all of the things we were able to do for you here on earth. Some wonderfully happy and beautiful memories mom that outweigh any of the regrets. See you up there Mom, Love~Peggy
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