I got the strangest message from "above" this morning about 4:30. In fact, it was the first thing I thought of when I opened my eyes from sleep. "Why haven't you told them about Kimmy?" Fact was, I had to hear that question twice before I realized what I needed to do. And as I tell you, I think my load is going to be lightened even further.
Throughout our recent family reunion, we were always talking about 5 kids being left from 7. The other 2 kids were very much loved too. One of those kids was my older sister Janice, killed in a car accident when she was only 27 years old. It's from that incident that Kimmy's story was born in 1969.
November 4, 1969 was a beautiful Indian summer day here in south central Kansas. I was a 14-year old freshman in high school. Richard Nixon was president and the Viet Nam War was raging on with already nearly 34,000 American lives lost. The draft was reinstated for the first time since 1942. Max Yasgur's farm in Bethel, NY had been the site for the Woodstock Music Festival with over 400,000 people converging on the site. The "Eagle" had landed on the moon with Neil Armstrong making his famous "That's one small step......." statement. And the first of John and Lois Scott's 7 children would die. My life would never be the same again.
On that Tuesday afternoon, my sister, Janice, was heading home from Halstead, her little 9-month old baby girl, Kimmie, was tucked in her car seat beside her in the middle, up front. They were only 2 miles from home when she neared the intersection of the Halstead Road and Highway 50. It was 3 p.m. and the sun was in a "deadly" position in the sky. If you've ever encountered the sun like that, you'll know exactly what I mean.
A "Navajo" semi truck that was actually pulling a second trailer behind was heading east on 50 Highway at precisely the same moment and heading straight for the path my sister was taking. The driver of the semi said she stopped at the stop sign, looked up at him coming, and headed straight across in front of him. Janice never really saw him--the sun blinded her as she traveled across. The semi-driver was moving too fast to be able to stop in such a short distance. It was too late-both vehicles collided and my sister died instantly. Kimmy, still sitting in her car seat, was found a short distance away. Miraculously, she was still alive. Although still alive, she remained in extremely critical condition for months afterwards. When she finally was released from the hospital to the care of my parents in the spring of 1970, Kimberly was an invalid, blinded from the accident and severely disabled for the rest of her life. She would require constant "24/7" care long before that popular saying would become known.
Our folks would have it no other way--Kimmie would come home from the hospital to live with us and she became more like our baby sister who never grew up, rather than an invalid niece. We missed our sister terribly but were grateful that her infant child's life was spared. We loved that cute little baby as if WE were her parents! Oh, did our lives ever change from that point in time onward. All of us learned how to take care of a severely handicapped child. No one was exempt from that responsibility in our house--we all learned how to give baths, change diapers, and give baby bottles. We quickly learned what made her happy and equally important, what made her upset. My siblings and I learned the "hard way"that the sound of an empty baby bottle clanging on the bed meant that we had about 10 seconds to get our behinds in there and grab it before Kimmie hauled off and threw it out! Guys this was back in "the day" when baby bottles were made of glass. Man, when the plastic ones came out, Mom bought them up as if there was no tomorrow. Wise decision on Mom's part--Kimmie may have been blind but when it came to throwing out baby bottles, she knew just where to aim!
For 13 years, that little girl lived with us until she became too big for our parents to take care of. Mom and Dad were both advancing in years and Kimmie at age 13 had grown to be a fairly good size little girl. It broke their hearts, for that matter, all of our hearts to see the day come when we couldn't keep her at home any longer. In 1982, Kimmie went to live in the Winfield State Hospital until she passed on 10 years later at the age of 23.
That message from "above" this morning, the one of "Why haven't you told them about Kimmie?" was an important one for me to hear. I'm glad that I told you about her for it was Kimmie who made the Scott Family complete, the impact of her existence on our life was without measure.
Ok, here's "my true confession" time-the part where Peggy Miller has to shed a "knapsack" of bad feelings, of anger and bitterness, of confusion and heart ache. Time to work on that "Miller Bucket List" item that encourages me to be more forgiving of myself...ok. (drawing a deep breath), this is the honest truth.....
Although it saddens me to "own up" to it, the day my sister died was my first remembrance of being angry with God. I can recall so vividly the feelings of being hurt beyond measure that He would have allowed my sister to die in such a manner. What kind of a loving God could do that? In my 14-year old mind, nothing about it made any sense. In my hurt and anger, I may even have uttered the phrase "I hate you God!" In the months that would lie ahead, my heart began to soften in my feelings towards God and I realized just how much God loved His people, and especially a young teenage girl named Peggy Scott. It was never His intention for His people to suffer and hurt.
I was angry with God, with the driver of the semi for going too fast in the first place, upset with the sun for shining so brightly in my sister's eyes that day, and probably a thousand other things that mercifully, the ensuing years have now erased. And I fess up to all of that now, August 4, 2011, nearly 42 years "after the fact" and once again recognize the fact that we are only human, capable of making mistakes, able to have our hearts broken, over and over and over again. And to me, the most miraculous thing of all is this--God still loves me, hey friends, make that ALL of us.
That 42-year old knapsack is SO "history" now. No one should carry around stuff that old and useless-makes about as much sense to do that as, hmm, say, try to jump a curb in your own front yard! Have a great evening to the best group of people I know-my friends and family!
One of my favorite pictures of Kimmie-about 2 years old-always a smile on her face! I can remember Mom saying once that in a way Kimmie was very blessed~~she would never know of the evils of the world...only about loving kindness. Mom, you were right!
No comments:
Post a Comment