Three phrases that Peggy Miller seems to hear a lot these days.....
"Be patient. It's going to take time."
"It's not been THAT long. It's going to take time."
"There is no way to hurry the healing. It's going to take time."
AHEM...do you see an underlying pattern here? I figured you would! The 5 words that I LEAST wish to hear, IT'S-----GOING-----TO-----TAKE-----TIME, are finally starting to sink in. And the truth, well, the truth is, I don't like it and I wish it would go away. But it's 4:43 in the morning as I write this, and guess what? When I opened my eyes at 4 a.m. and started today's pot of coffee, IT hadn't "gone away"....it was still here. So now, to learn to live with it a whole lot longer.....
Yesterday was my 3rd visit to Wichita in order to work on physical therapy. Hey, I have to say this, right off the "get go", yesterday's visit wasn't all that fun, in fact a couple of parts of it down right hurt, badly. But even if it does hurt, this I know--- Kim is an excellent physical therapist who knows what he's doing and I'm so thankful he is helping me.
The routine parts of his "work out" of my arm, hand, and wrist are not so bad. The nice things like measuring my fingers to check on the swelling, putting a piece of silicone material over my scar to help it look "friendly not angry", etc. are very tolerable. He takes the time to answer my questions and that is something I really appreciate in health-care providers.
Today, as I looked at the x-rays for a more definite answer as to why I'm having so much trouble with rotating my hand to a palm-up position became clearer to me. I really DID mess up the wrist--all those bones were definitely NOT where God intended them to be. In fact, they were SO not where their original position was. Those phrases, "it looks like a bomb went off in there", "it looks like a grenade got tossed in there", and "kind of looks like someone took a hammer and started pounding in there" were obviously quite appropriately used. I thought I might be discouraged to finally figure it out. But actually, just the opposite happened. I continue to be more determined than I am afraid.
The tough part of physical therapy, the very grueling exercises that hurt like the dickens sometimes, are a necessary part of getting well again. Each time I go, Kim the "Taskmaster" evaluates my improvement from the previous visit. Yesterday he challenged me, saying "Is that all you can do?" This is where that strength from deep inside your belly comes in....and every time he asked me that very thought provoking question, I gritted my teeth and somehow found a little more inside me.
I used to very foolishly take a lot of pride in the fact that I could "outride" most all of my friends on a bike. People riding with me would often say "geesch, you go too fast, slow down 'cause I can't keep up with you." I was never really happy with any of my rides unless the bike computer said that I had ridden with at LEAST an average speed of 12 mph. And if I didn't ride at least 10 miles a day, I considered myself a slacker. What an idiot I can be! :)
Friends, Peggy Miller has "bigger fish to fry" these days--my main goal, my "ultimate" athletic feat is to make "old lefty's" wrist move a teeny-tiny bit more each and every day. For me, being able to work hard enough to make the wrist even half-ways normal again will be the equivalent of riding my bike around the world. And I mean it-it's gonna take THAT much work. But I CHOOSE to get better and until that choice changes for me, I 'd better quit bellyaching and get with it, yesterday already.
OK friends, here's the "teacher" in me coming out-I have an assignment for you and it's due by the time I write my next post. The whole original intent and purpose of this blog was to chronicle my "bucket list" journey for this year of 2011. I had come up with my list of 10 things that I wished to do before I "kicked the bucket". Prior to August 4th, I'd been doing a pretty good job of crossing things off that list. Then the accident happened and life changed dramatically for me. Now I believe it's time for me to get back to working on things from the list as I continue to heal up. Today I'm going to be thinking about what 10 things I can now place on a new list....things that I can do with "old lefty's" current condition. August 4th was 7 weeks in the past and all those days are gone now.
Knowing that I have at least months and months and months more of physical therapy ahead of me helps to me to realize just how big of a chunk of life I'll be devoting to getting better. I can't afford to wait until I'm as healed as I can be in order to return to the bucket list. I'm getting closer to Heaven every day--maybe I'll have 30 years more to work on it, maybe only 30 days. Since I don't know the real answer, then I'm making the choice to use every day left in my life as wisely as I can.
Friends, here it is-your homework assignment:
Think of one thing, just one, that you really want to do-the thing you've dreamed of but kept putting off until another time. Have you had a great desire to go fishing in Minnesota and spend some time away from computers and cell phones and bosses who call you non-stop? Kind of hard to tip your fishing pole in the water unless you actually GO. Have you been dreaming about going back to college and getting your degree? You just keep putting it off waiting for a better time to do it? What time do you think THAT is going be? Friends, think of ANYTHING...restoring an old car, learning how to dance or play the piano, reading a best-seller, buying a motorcycle, changing jobs, moving to a place you always wanted to, visiting a place you've never been to, meeting your childhood pen-pal for the first time, reconnecting/making amends with a family member or friend that you've been estranged from, learning how to jump a curb on your bicycle.. (hey, scratch that idea-it doesn't work) What ever it is that you choose, just ask yourself the question..."What is stopping me?" Chances are, the only thing stopping you from doing it, is really just yourself.
Ok, guys, get cracking on that homework. I'll be back to do a little progress monitoring later on today. Have a great weekend all of you-I feel very blessed this day. :)
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