"old lefty's" swan song

I have always the loved the movie "Mr. Holland's Opus" and after watching it about a gazillion times in life, I think there's a good chance that I have most of the lines memorized.  The main character (played by Richard Dreyfuss) is a high school instrumental/vocal music teacher named Glenn Holland and as the movie progresses we are shown the "ups and downs" of his 30-year career as an educator.  In some ways, Mr. Holland and I are very similar and I think sometimes that is why I really identified with his character.  At the movie's end as he prepares to leave his classroom for the last time in his life, he is surprised to learn that former students from the past 3 decades have come together to play his composition, "The American Symphony".  It was a piece that he had been writing  for  many years yet had never heard it performed and when he took to the podium and lifted his baton to begin conducting the musicians, there was not a dry eye in the house.  Mr. Holland's "swan song' was played out in front of everyone, students both past and present, fellow teaching colleagues, and his wife and son.  In my opinion, the ending could not have been better.

You know friends, I had never really heard of a swan song until I saw that movie.  Heck, I'm not even sure I realized what one really was and that really shouldn't surprise you since I just now have figured out this "rock, paper, scissors" thing.  (no kidding, pathetic isn't it?)   According to the dictionary, the phrase "a swan song" refers to the final gesture, effort, or performance of someone before retirement or death.  In Mr. Holland's case, his years of writing the perfect musical composition finally came to fruition as a huge group of his former students brought out their instruments one more time to play his song.  Not sure that a retiring teacher could ask for much greater of a gift on the last day of their career than to be honoured by those who had once called them "teacher".

Yesterday morning, really bright and early (about 4:30 in the a.m. BRIGHT and EARLY) I went online to register to be a participant in this year's Bike Across Kansas journey.  And after I filled in all of the necessary information and hit the "submit" button, I knew I was beginning what would be the equivalent of a "swan song" for me and "old lefty".

One of my current Miller Bucket List items is "to ride the Bike Across Kansas of 2013 in its entirety".  With luck and a whole lot of riding practice, I'm preparing myself to do just that.  It's not the first time I have tackled it but it will definitely be the last time.  It remains to be seen if I can do all 500 miles of it~but even at that, I will never know until I try and so, try I must!

Riding my bike across the Sunflower state has been one of those relentless quests that I have tried way more than one time to accomplish.  Attempts in 1987, 2001 and 2002 were unsuccessful due to injuries I sustained while training for the week long "adventure".  I broke my left side collarbone after getting caught up in a very wicked stretch of sand and an electric fence in '87.  In 2001 I twisted my left ankle getting off of my bike and in 2002 I met "head on" with the railroad trestle on the Martinez Bike Trail.  Three broken ribs and two badly sprained hands later, the '02 BAK was definitely a "no-go".

Then came the spring of 2011 and after nearly a decade of non-attempts at the BAK, I decided what the heck?  This would be the year to do it, the year when I would FINALLY make it all the way across the state.  I bought a great new bike at the Bicycle Pedaler in Wichita and promptly began riding, putting as many miles on it as I could.  From March until June 1st I was able to put on over 1,000 miles on my bike and miracle of all miracles, had no accidents whatsoever.  I couldn't believe it~not one broken bone or twisted ankle....things were definitely looking up for me.

On that day in early June, with 899 other cyclists from all over Kansas, I started out from the far western Kansas town of Tribune, pedalling my way eastward towards the finish line at the Missouri-Kansas border.  It was a hot and dry journey with the winds perpetually blowing out of the south at 20 mph each day.  With the help and support of my good friends and riding partners, Shelley and Clint Rodriguez, I managed to "soldier on" for the first 4 days.  By the time the fifth day rolled around, however, I was in big trouble.  After leaving the small town of Hoisington, Kansas I knew that I wasn't going to make it much longer.  I was sick and dehydrated and 30 miles into the ride that day, I called my son Grahame to start making his way out to pick me up so I could get to the doctor.  West of McPherson, just inside the Rice County line, my BAK adventure was done.  I hadn't made it all of the way but at least I had gone halfway.

Two months later, I would learn that heatstroke and dehydration were nothing compared to what "old lefty" would be put through after having my bicycle accident in August.  On that fateful 4th day in August I would make a decision that would have the greatest impact on my life that any decision had ever done.  At the end of my morning's 10-mile ride, I foolishly jumped the curb on my bike in front of my house and the result was pretty disastrous.  Every once in a while, I take a look at the initial x-ray from Hutchinson Hospital, only moments after it had happened.  When Peggy Miller breaks a bone, or two or three, she doesn't mess around as evidenced in the photo below.

                                                the damage done-August 4, 2011

It has now been a little over a year and a half since that cool August morning.  3 surgeries, about a dozen casts, and more journeys to the Kansas Orthpaedic Center than I can really have ever imagined taking place.  "Old lefty" is now at its new normal, whatever the heck that is.  I still have some pain and I knew from the get-go that things would never be the same.  I followed the advice of nearly every friend I had who said "Peggy, do not stop riding that bike!"  And although it was very scary at first, I soon began to regain the confidence that I had lost that morning and finally at long last began to feel as if I could cycle once more.  My original plan, only seconds after smacking the curb, was to leave my bike right there in the street for the Stutzman Refuse truck to pick up.  But as my son Grahame was backing out of the driveway to take me to the emergency room, I looked back at it and told him to go drag it on the porch.  Thank goodness I did~

As I have said a thousand times before and now say once again~breaking my arm was the very best thing that ever happened to me in my life.  It changed me, absolutely for the good.  I have no fear of anything now and with a much more grateful heart, I now live my remaining days to their fullest.  So for 7 days come this summer in June, that's where you will find me~doing something that I love.....riding a bike.  Don't worry a bit about me or my arm or anything else.  I have faith that all will be well.  It's the last time I'll ever try the Bike Across Kansas but definitely NOT the last time I will be riding my bike.  The best is yet to come for me in that respect and the future ahead looks so very good to me.

Whatever your passion is friends, please pursue it for all that you are worth.  Life is short, so be making use of every bit of it.  My life, my existence has changed for the better.  I pray the same can be said for you.  Have a good evening dear friends wherever you may be this day.

The Bike Across Kansas route for 2013 goes across the southern tier of the state.  From the Colorado-Kansas border near Johnson City to the Missouri-Kansas border near Galena is a span of a little over 500 miles.  My attempt at cycling across this great state of ours is my "swan song" for Kansas.

My first day back at school in 2011~2 weeks after the accident.  Wearing that cast was just like being pregnant "sideways".  Was I ever glad when the last cast was removed!

Upon making yourself happy

Night time has fallen here in our part of the universe and East 14th Street, for the most part, is peaceful and quiet.  It has been one gorgeous day in south central Kansas, pretty remarkable for the 28th day of January. The past weekend's weather was beautiful as well.   We woke up Sunday morning to a cold and dreary day with a light mist coming down intermittently.  In drought-stricken Kansas, we could have used a lot more moisture but we give thanks even for the slightest amount these days and pray for more to come. By the time the sun broke through right after lunch, the temperature warmed up tremendously and everywhere you could find folks out and enjoying the great day.  Between cold winter weather and outbreaks of the flu and a thousand other illnesses, many people out there are hurting.  I have many friends that have been ill this past week and I hope for them and for all of the others that this sickness goes away pretty dang  soon.  The bitter cold has a "hold" on the north eastern part of the United States, the very place that I'm heading in a couple of months as part of my "bucket list" journey.  The Rocky Mountains that I drove through a week ago are due in for heavy snows tonight.   I count my blessings this day that I feel great and am sitting in a house that is warm enough.  So many others out there can't say that right now, for whatever reasons.  In the least, in the VERY least of things, I do so give thanks.

You know friends, can we talk about something for a second? How many of you have ever fallen into the "trap" of believing that your happiness comes from other people instead of yourself?  Just a show of hands~you and I are the only ones who will ever know.  Hold them high cause I am counting...... Yep, I thought I'd find a few and if your hand is up then rest assured that mine is as well.  Looks like we are in pretty good company and we are definitely not alone.

For years and years now, I have been so guilty of that practice and the price that I have paid has been tremendously high.  I'm not sure that I have a really good explanation for it, other than I've always done it that way.  It was a habit and I might add, a deeply engrained one and  very hard one to break.  For whatever crazy reasons, there have been many times in my life that the road I was on felt pretty bumpy and the detours that I had to take were some "doozies".   I was sure that I would find happiness along the way and when things didn't actually turn out as planned I became disheartened.  And being disheartened leads to being sad and that sadness in turn leads to a host of other problems that are near unto impossible to shake.  

Life finally started to become better for me a couple of years back when I realized for the first time just how "insane" this notion is of relying on other people for your happiness.  And when I FINALLY realized that the only person who could ever make me happy was ME, then life began to get about a gazillion times easier.  I've been trying to keep that attitude ever since and although I do slip and fall backwards from time to time, I know that I've done so much better.  If you, like me, are working on it as part of the improvement of  your daily life then I commend you and believe you me, I know your struggle.  I encourage you to keep trying even though sometimes it is so tempting to just give up.  

I have plenty to be happy about these days and I know it all too well.  I may not be a multi-millionaire when I die but I have a job that I love and the last time I checked, you can't take any money with you when you leave this place anyways.  I have been married and divorced twice but even in  that heartache I was blessed to become the mom of 3 wonderful kids.  Which child would I have given up to have never gone through those sad times?   You guessed it~NONE of them.  And when my life is finally through, be that tomorrow, next month, or 40 years from now I know that I will have done pretty much exactly what I set out to do.  That's a comforting thought to me and what comforts me surely makes me very happy with myself and the good life around me.  

I've said it a thousand times before and will say it a thousand times again, I am a slow learner.  But this I know, after 20,914 days of my existence~Being happy, being satisfed and being content with life is all up to me.  And in the words of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young's song, "It's been a long time coming." but surely glad that I finally figured it out before it was too late.

Have a great evening friends and family!  With your friendship, I am blessed a thousand-fold.

The best view ever~winter's sunrise along the Western slopes in Montrose, Colorado.

The place where I learned to love winter and I cannot believe I just said that.

I am still more determined, than I would ever be afraid....

You know, I wish that I had taken this "live like you were dying" kind of attitude a long time ago in my life.  To be right honest, I don't know what for sure prompted me to start thinking in such a manner to begin with.  All I remember is that one morning I woke up, looked in the mirror and saw an "old person" looking back at me and for what ever reason there was, I realized that "she" was getting older and that precious time was running out.  And well, I guess I have been on the "live life to its fullest" bandwagon ever since.  For the past 3 years, little by little, I've worked at accomplishing so many things from my own "bucket list".  One by one, I crossed them off much like Jack Nicholson's character from the movie "The Bucket List" did at the show's end.  The weird thing was that I always had about a dozen things ready to take the place of the things I'd already done.  It was my good friend Brian who said to me that I should never let my bucket go empty because "you cannot kick a full bucket".  I believed him and to this day my list is perpetually on going and you know what?  I kind of like it that way.

The first night back from Colorado on Monday of this week, I spent time reading through the devotional/motivational book I had purchased called "Live like you were dying".  Since I've read it about a gazillion times now, it's probably a good time to put it on the shelf and give it a rest. But if you don't mind, may I share one more page from it that has some pretty profound meaning in my life right now.  Once again, I give credit for the words below to the writers of the book, Tim Nichols and Craig Wiseman....Listen to their words friends~I've been there many times before.....how about you?

                          "What's the secret to success?" I asked.
                             
                           "Two words", he said. "RIGHT DECISIONS."
                            
                           "How do you make right decisons?"
                                       
                           "One word," he said.  "EXPERIENCE."
                               
                           "And how do you get experience?"

                            "TWO WORDS", he said.  "WRONG DECISIONS."

I'm positive that in my 57 years of existence on this planet that I have made enough wrong decisions to fill up at least one Stutzman Refuse waste container, you know the kind that they kind of roll off the back of the truck and charge you $170 to use for the week?  Wait a minute, I guess unless you are from Reno County, Kansas that doesn't make a lot of sense but let me put it to you yet another way.....Peggy Miller has made enough wrong decisions in this lifetime to have used up her allotted "quota" and then some.  Chances are good that some of you reading this, ok...I have to say "all" of you reading this have had similar experiences in life.  I hope you haven't had to learn the hard way like some of us (that'd be people like me) had to.  If so, here's a "hug" from me to you because I know how difficult those kind of lessons are to learn.  

Yet even as hard as it is to admit that I have "fallen short" on many occasions in life, it is with a deep sense of gratitude that I am the first to say "thank goodness" that I did.  The lessons that I learned along life's rough road ended up saving me from myself and kept me moving along the path that was intended for me to be on in the first place.  Now in the winter of my 57th year, I have begun to see where I really want to be...indeed, what my real purpose for being here is.  My good friend, LeRoy Willis, has a great saying that I think of often...."I love it when a plan comes together."  It took me a while, ok...ok...ok it took 57 years, to figure out what the "plan" was.  It's actually kind of peaceful for a change to know where one is going in life.  

Dear friends, one and all, I say it often but I say it again to you this night~I want to thank you for being my friend and for caring about what happens to me in this crazy life of ours.  I absolutely do not know what I'd do without you all.  Dennis and Craig, you sometimes give me "grief" about being a little bit on the short side but hey, I know you don't mean any harm.  I don't always agree with my good friend Brian about things like tattoos and James Taylor but it doesn't mean that we aren't friends who respect one another.  For all of the good people that I work with at school each day who continually support me and lift me up even on the worst of days, geesch I'd NEVER make it without you guys.  And everyone else in between, my heart is filled with love for the kinds of people you all are.  In Pennsylvania, New York, Florida, Oklahoma, Texas, Tennessee, Colorado, Nebraska, Arizona, North Dakota, New Mexico, Missouri, Iowa, Kansas and Georgia there are people whom I call "friend".  Some I have never met but that doesn't mean that we are strangers.  We are simply good friends who have never had the chance to meet.  Some day, I surely hope that will happen.

Well, it's Friday night...and we're nearly through the month of January.  Soon bedtime will be upon us and I know for sure that the warm covers of my bed will feel pretty good in the next few hours.  I hope that all of you are well, happy and the most important thing, at peace with your lives.  It's been a long time since I could say it, but I'm finding a great deal of peace with mine.  I know that life isn't going to always be easy, shoot that's a given.  But I'm going ahead with it.  Even with all of its pitfalls, we've all been given a pretty good life and I am still way more determined to press forward and keep soldiering on than I would ever be afraid.  I can't wait to see what is in store for me in the months and years ahead.    I believe it's going to be wonderful, the "best" is yet to come for me.  May the same be for you my friends.  Good night and good sleep for all of us.

My middle son, Grahame Hemman~it was two years ago this time that he told his mom that he was going to try his hand at walking the Appalachian Trail.  He came to our school to talk with the 4th grade kids about what it would be like.  I draw my strength and courage to try new things from him.  He's not afraid of anything :)

Upon never believing in coincidences~

"Good evening" to you all from "home" in Reno County, Kansas on a cold winter's evening in late January.  This has been a heck of a long day but a good one regardless and as night has fallen, I am still here on this earth, alive and kicking.  Somewhere today, perhaps in my own county or shoot, maybe even down the block a ways, someone else who woke up this morning didn't make it through the day.  They could have been young or old, ill in health or "healthy as a horse" but for whatever their reason their time on earth had come to fruition.  I think of that very thing from time to time as life goes on and marvel in the blessings that life continues to bring to me.  

I bought a book to take with me to Colorado last weekend, "Live, like you were dying" with the message therein related to the words of Tim McGraw's famous song of several years back.  I was so busy having a great time in Montrose with my dear friend Mike, that I didn't even open it up once while I was there.  Yet when I got home on Monday evening it was the first thing that I sat down to look at.  It didn't take long to read it or to become touched by the words that the special message contained.  My favourite page contains the following message....my apologies to the authors of the book for using their words without permission and I surely do give 100 percent of the credit to the thoughts below to them.  But I want you to read what they wrote and may you hold it as close to your heart as I have in the past few days.  

From the words of Tim Nichols and Craig Wiseman from their book, "Live Like You Were Dying"......

We're all terminal.
Some of us are just lucky enough to know it.

Life is a spiritual journey.
And sometimes all you have to do is just show up
and have a little faith that something completely amazing is possible any day.

And every now and then, 
right when you least expect it, 
something amazing does happen.

And you are no more in control
than a feather is of the wind.
All you know is that the force moving you is so strong
that you just hang on in wonder.

There is nothing but the moment
and the sense of dancing with angels.

So alive!

I'm not sure why at this point in time their words have meant so much to me.  Perhaps it is because I have spent so much of life trying to be in control and change things that I never would have been able to change in the first place.  I would be the first to admit, with hand held high in the air, that I "Peggy Miller" have spent a great deal of my life worrying about the wrong things and when I think of the times that I've wasted along the way, well...it's a sobering thought for sure.  That's why I vowed a couple of years back that I would live my life to the fullest and concentrate as best I could on doing those things which I had a deep desire to accomplish.  It hasn't always worked out but if I do say so myself, I'm getting a whole lot better at it.

My recent trip to the Western slopes of Colorado was a good example, at least for me, of finally relinquishing my "stronghold" on the worries and troubles of this life.  What a freeing feeling it was to be able to go and for 99.9 percent of the time, concentrate on having fun and enjoying life.  I cannot recall a time in the recent past where I spent 48 hours without a worry in my heart.  I'm glad I was able to feel that and to know in my heart that I was where I should be at the time.  I'm imagining that some of you reading this are probably a lot like me and you know who you are.  If so, rest assured that so many of us have made the mistake of thinking that we had to carry the "weight of the world" upon our shoulders.  Yet, I have found out through my  own personal experiences, that carrying the extra weight of problems we cannot solve does little more than give us the most horrendous back ache ever.  So right now, feel free to throw off the excess~it will feel good, believe me.

One of the many things I've come to realize in this life would be this~There are absolutely NO coincidences.  I'm a firm believer in the thought that everything that has happened to me is a part of "the plan".  People and situations in life happen at just the right time, the pre-destined time for all of us.  I felt the strange feeling of counting down the last few precious moments before I pulled out of Montrose on Monday morning and REALLY appreciating the gifts that life had amazingly brought to me as of late.  From now on, I make the choice "not to forget" and certainly to never take for granted anything or anyone.  My hope is the same for you my friends...hang on a little tighter to the people who care about what happens to you in this life.  THEY are your gifts, so please, never forget it.  

Well, night time has definitely settled in now.  The sun set has come and gone now; the evening hour is upon us.  Have a good evening every one and a peaceful night's rest.  Take care of yourselves and the loved ones around you~peace!

               The winter time sun sets in the western sky, here in Reno County, Kansas.

                                  In the Black Canyon of the Gunnison, January of 2013
Winter time and I are "foes" from long, long ago.  Yet somehow, I forgot all of that and became enchanted with a place where snow falls and stays for a long, long time.  It was wonderful~  

There's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home~

Greetings everyone from my home on 14th Street in the very "flatlands" of Kansas :)  Today has been a day of journeying home from a delightful and fun weekend in Montrose, Colorado.  I left the Western slopes of Colorado at a little before 7 this morning and 611 miles later, I arrived home at about 7:15 p.m.  The trek home was not difficult but there were many times when I wish I could have just been like "Dorothy" from the Wizard of Oz and clicked my ruby red slippers together, closed my eyes and uttered those famous lines...."There's no place like home.  There's no place like home.  There's no place like home."

When I left my friend Mike's home this morning shortly after sun up, I knew that I'd just be following the trail in "reverse" from the way I took to get there in the first place on Saturday morning.  I was anxious, in a weird sort of way, to be able to see all of the sights that I had missed by driving in the dark all of Friday evening to get there in the first place. And as I headed back towards the towns of Gunnison, Salida and Canon City, I was very amazed at the sight of what I had actually come through in the "pitch black" of late Friday night.

One  thing I learned for sure, actually really quickly, is that there is no such thing as a straight road in Colorado!  The twists and turns going up and down the face of the mountains is surely an exercise in paying attention.  I was shocked when I stopped for gas in Gunnison on Saturday morning and asked the store clerk how long it would be before I arrived at Montrose (only 62 miles away)  She said to me "Well now, that depends on how you drive, but I am going to guess about 2 hours and 45 minutes.  But hey, you might be able to make it in less."  I couldn't hardly imagine it taking so long..but turns out she was right.  

This morning, one of my main hopes was to get a photo of what it looked like at the top of the pass at Monarch.  As I was driving it in the early morning hours on Saturday, I knew that I was definitely at a high altitude.  I just wasn't sure just how "high" that kind of high was.  This morning I learned when I pulled off to the side to see it once more in the daylight hours and take the photo shown below.

As I continued on eastward from the top of Monarch pass, I began to notice something that I hadn't even considered in my "fear" of having difficulties with the drive in the dark that first night out.  I remembered that in the pitch black darkness, the road from Canon City to Salida had seemed about as scary as they come.  I can recall having a "death grip" on the steering wheel, jaws clenched and one heck of a sweat building up on my brow.  I was positive that around the next bend was another "curve" just waiting to get me or something.  I cannot describe the unbelievable "aloneness" that I felt and more than once I remembered with thankfulness that I had given my destination and approximate time of arrival to more than one person.  I guess what I'm saying is that I doubted my ability to get myself there safely MORE  than a couple of times.  And if something were to have happened to me, I was just about positive that I'd lay for a long time before anyone found me or the car.  Kind of a bleak way to look at things, isn't it?

But in the bright sunlight of this morning, I couldn't imagine what it would have been that could have scared me in the first place.  It was only a road...OK, yeah it was a winding road and there WERE some pretty tight turns in places but nothing a person couldn't handle.  Every mile that I drove down that mountain in the daylight hours today, I saw that there were little towns, filled with people and businesses.  I wasn't alone Friday night, it had only SEEMED like it.  There were lots of folks there~ it was just that I hadn't been able to see them.  They were "sane" people, soundly sleeping with their lights out, unlike those drivers who INsanely were making their  way to somewhere they had never been in the dark.  And about every mile or so, I saw a "safe spot", a place to pull off to temporarily get your "bearings" again.  They were like "havens" if you will~sanctuaries carved out of the rock.  I stopped to take a few photos of that "scary place" from Friday night :)  Turns out to be quite beautiful~

When you get the chance to spend about 11 hours of driving all alone, you get the "blessing" of time to think about a lot of things.  I couldn't help but to be reminded of just how similar my life's experience has been to the more than 3 hours worth of time driving this stretch of road on Friday evening.  As I thought of it, I learned an important lesson..no wait, there's a BETTER way to say that~I was REMINDED of something that I already knew.  And that something is this....no matter what "roads" life takes us down, you never have to be alone as you do it.  There's always someone, sometimes when you least expect it, that is willing to help you get to where you are going in this life.  In my case, well in my case, it's YOU guys, one and all.  Friends who have stepped up to take "up the slack" when I could not.  And the further that  I climbed down that mountain today, the more I realized that. 

Several of you checked in with me as I travelled home today and it is nice to say that I made it without any difficulties at all.  Thank you all for your care and concern and prayers for safety.  In many ways, this journey helped me to bring some peace to my life.  Strange what a change of scenery every once in a while can do for a person's spirit, for a person's soul.  I loved my time there but it was time to get back.  I'll return again though, ever more wiser and ever more thankful for the gift of life.  I wanted to spend 3 days of "living as if I were dying" and I think I was able to do just that!

Good night everyone and thanks for caring and worrying about me.  I'm telling you, I will be forever beholden to you friends, one and all.  

Spring of 2011...My son Grahame Hemman and I before he left for his 30 day walk along the Appalachian Trail.  In our family, HE is the real adventurer, not me!

the view from a different window~

Greetings everyone to you this evening, not from my home on 14th Street in Hutchinson, but rather from Montrose, Colorado along the western slopes of the Rocky Mountains.  Never in my wildest of dreams would I have imagined finding myself in Colorado during the coldest time of the year here, but nonetheless here I have been since late Friday evening.  At the kind invitation of a dear friend from the "land of long ago, and far, far away", Mike Renfro, I came to see what his part of the earth looked like.  And now as night time has quickly fallen and my car is mostly packed for the journey back home to Kansas in the morning, I am so very glad that I have come here.  I would have to admit, it's with a bit of sadness that I will have to leave because I have had a great time and of course, as the age old saying goes, "time flies when you are having fun".  But hey, what the heck?  I know the way  here now and I will be back.  

This was a gigantic "leap of faith" for me to take out from the certainty of life at home in Hutchinson, Kansas and travel to a place over 650 miles away from me.  I had never driven alone in Colorado and I knew that traversing the mountains would be a formidable undertaking.  But I figured, "OK Peggy Miller~you drove 4,000 miles to and from Maine not even 8 months ago.  You did it then, you can do it now!" and so off I went just as soon as I could finish up a few things after school on Friday.

The journey on Highway 50 out of Hutchinson and all the way to the far western Kansas town of Syracuse was pretty much a slice of that "proverbial piece of cake".  Mike had told me, shoot Mapquest had even "seconded" it that Montrose was a mere 650 miles, give or take a mile or two, west of Hutchinson on Highway 50.  So all I would need to do is just "follow the yellow brick road" and by the way, if any of the heirs of L. Frank Baum are reading this, my apologies for borrowing a line from one of the scariest movies I have ever YET to finish.  So off I went.

About LaJunta, Colorado I began to get a little tired and I realized that my body had been awake and going for well over 16 hours.  But since I was yet to become overwhelmingly drowsy I continued on.  The traffic was pretty light and I thought just as long as I kept plodding along, all would be well.  On to Pueblo, then Canon City and all of a sudden I began to wonder what the heck I was doing continuing to drive.  I knew that I'd never make it all the way to Montrose in one fell swoop as planned.  It would have been crazy to do that so I began to formulate "plan B"~just get to Salida and find a place to sleep for the night.

If I were going to choose the worst part of the drive for me, it would have to be that seemingly never ending journey from Canon City to Salida...on the map a journey of 57 miles that should have only taken an hour and fifteen minutes.  But as "Miller luck" would have it, the journey took twice that long.  I should not have been surprised since "Miller's luck" and "Murphy's Law" are second cousins twice removed on my mother's side of the family.  It was bound to happen.  The rise in elevation of over 1,800 feet got my attention really quick.  My ears began to pop even worse than they already had and thank goodness I'd remembered (thanks to my son Grahame) to have some gum along to chew.  The Honda Civic did its best and carried me up the road, slow but sure. 

 In a way, I was glad that it was pitch dark outside.  I figured it was better to NOT see where I'd end up landing if I left the road and went down into a canyon.  About an hour into the journey I saw a sign that said, "Royal Gorge, 1/2 mile" and I was determined not to visit it the hard way.    I jokingly told a few of my friends at school that if I didn't happen to make it back, that hey I'd lived a pretty good life for 57 years.  But actually I kind of DO like living. Once in a sad moment of time, when I felt like maybe I was an "idiot" for trying this all alone in the dark of the night, I thought about my late father.  I remember actually saying out loud at one point in time, "Daddy are you there?  It's me Peggy and I need you!"  Crazy wasn't it?  But I got this peace of mind almost instantly that everything would be ok....and I'll give you the cleaned up version of the message my dad sent me...  "Peggy Ann get your head where it belongs and you will be fine."  And he was right, I was.

After a good night's sleep in the town of Salida, I took out once more.  In the early morning hours, I arrived in Montrose and met up with my friend, Mike.  He has been a wonderful host, a terrific tour guide and wonderful friend to visit with for the past two days.  I have seen more marvelous and wonderful things in the past 48 hours than I have seen in most years of my life.  And I surely do thank Mike for his kindness in showing me around.  

You know friends I could have stayed home this weekend...hey, with the load of work that I have 
waiting for me when I get home tomorrow night, I'm gonna be up for quite awhile before bed time.  I should have done laundry, cleaned house, taken care of school work, done some preparatory work for our school 4H meeting this week and on and on and on and on.  But I say to you, FOR WHAT?  Every single thing I would have done by staying home would just have needed to be done once again in another couple of days, so when I got the "invite" to visit Colorado, I decided that for once in my life, I'd choose to do something more meaningful and long lasting than folding up my towels and wash cloths.  

I have experienced so very much here during this Colorado weekend and I'm sure that those around me must have recognized quickly that I was indeed a "flatlander".  If I had a dollar for every time I've said the word "WOW" since I got here on Saturday morning, well then I could take us all down to Bogey's and the drinks would be on me.  The scenery is absolutely breathtaking here and although I love the plains of Kansas, I'm sure that I could easily get used to Colorado's "purple mountains' majesty."  Take a peek below at what the road to Ouray looked like earlier this afternoon.

  I saw "ice climbers" by the score in Ouray who come there from all over the world to participate in their sport.  I could have watched them forever and listen to their voices echoing all over the canyon.  Their comraderie was inspiring to me and just watching them fearlessly attempting to scale some pretty wicked looking ice lifted my spirits even more than they already were.  I'm not quite crazy enough to try it, even though I'm sure my good friends Craig and Dennis might disagree, but it sure did look fun.  And if I cannot do it, then I sure did enjoy watching the many others there try to.  Here's a picture of a couple of guys getting ready to rappel down earlier today.

I ate Mexican food in a place whose ceiling was festooned with dollar bills, all inscribed with some message from the person who left them there.  Normally I would not have done something like that, but with the encouragement of my friend Mike, here's mine.  I shall always be a "legend" in there now...  LOL.

I learned how to play "Cribbage", watched the movie "The Book of Eli" and even "Avatar".  I enjoyed myself tremendously and I say "it's about time."  I only got lost twice and have managed to hang on to my checkbook, cell phone, car keys, and money for the entire time.  And friends, that's gotta be some kind of record for me and in that I do rejoice.

Since this was the last day I was going to be here, I was determined to squeeze in as much I could between the sun's rise and the sun's fall at the end of the day.  I woke up early to wait on the sun to come up so I could snap a photo.  I learned that the sun seems to come up a little differently here in Colorado~but it was beautiful just the same.  

                                     "morning has broken" Montrose, Colorado

And although I nearly missed taking the photo, I was able to capture the sun's quick departure in the western sky a couple of hours ago.  It was beautiful as well.

 Come tomorrow morning, I'll be heading out towards the wide open prairies of my home state of Kansas and I will leave with a grateful heart for the chance to come to Colorado and see the beautiful sights here.  I'm sure thankful that I made the decision to make the journey and know that I will return again someday to this place.  Friends, may I ask you something?  When was the last time that you made a decision to do something good for yourselves?  How long has it been since you went to Colorado, or went fishing and canoeing at the Boundary Waters?  Been a while since you visited your mom or your grandmother?  Been meaning to go back to school and get that degree?  And if not THOSE things, then what about a thousand other ones?  Please dear friends of mine, do not wait until tomorrow, or next week, or even next month to do it for we all surely do know that those "tomorrows" aren't even promised to us any way.  You will NEVER regret having done so but you WILL regret having never tried.  

Well, bedtime for me as I need to be on the road tomorrow early.  It will be a long drive back home to the Sunflower state and even though I'll thankfully be making most of the journey in broad daylight, I'd sure be thankful for prayers of safety on my behalf.  No need to worry about me, I'm going back in pretty good hands.  "His" hands know the way home.  Good night everyone...love to you all my dear friends and family.  See you at home!

To my dear friend, Mike Renfro, thank you for showing me the view from a different window this week end.  For your kindness, hospitality and friendship I am mighty beholden to you.

Live Like You Were Dying - The Bucket List (Music Video)

Good evening friends and family~Maybe the shortest blog post ever by Peggy Miller :)  I'm just gonna let the words of Tim McGraw's song and the images of my favourite movie of all time, "The Bucket List" tell this story.  For all of the times in my life that I've wasted precious moments as I worried over things I had no control over any way~for the many times that I seemed to be stuck on the words "could of", "would of", or "should of"....I vow to no longer live that way.  With what days, months, and years I have left on this good earth of ours, I intend to LIVE life to its fullest...so much that my "cup will runneth over".  I'm heading out tomorrow after school is out for 3 days of "living like I was dying."  No need to worry about me, I will be in the best of hands.  May I encourage all of you, my dearest of friends, to live your lives in the same way.  Please don't put off doing ANYTHING that you have a desire to do.  Tomorrow, as they say, might just be too late.  And as it has been pointed out, time and time again by others, we are all "terminal".....and perhaps it's just the "lucky ones" who find out before it's too late.  I love you guys all~don't know what I'd do without you.  I'm one blessed woman, that's for sure.  Good Night all!  Good sleep to each and all of you.  I'll be home again soon.

~upon taking leaps of faith~

Hello everyone and greetings from the Sunflower State~Kansas. We're fixing to turn another year older here in just about 13 more days.  Looking pretty dang good at age 152 and to my dear friends, Craig and Dennis...that's KANSAS I am talking about, not me.  It's been a busy Wednesday here, at least in this neighbourhood.  People in these parts, heck in a lot of parts of the U.S., have been busy doing daily battle against the flu and every other virus and its brother lately.  Our little kids at school have been "biting the dust", "dropping like flies" and any other descriptive adage that you can think of lately.  Clorox is our "new best friend" and the container of Germ-X is dipping into the almost "Empty" stage.  So between washing our hands on an even more regular basis and squirting on the hand sanitizer in between, we're all doing what we can to stay healthy.  Just like winter, this awful sickness can't last forever but it surely does seem like it will.  Praying for all of the people who are struggling to get well again and STAY well at the same time.

Last night I got an interesting email from an old friend of mine from high school who had noticed some of my photos on Facebook showing me power parachuting a few years back.  It's a "sport" that I love and I'm only sorry that I haven't been able to do it more often.  It's fun!  For those of you who don't know what it is, the best way to describe it is to look at the photo below.  This is me going up for my very first time, now almost 9 years ago.

At Sky-View Power Parachuting-south west of Hutchinson in August of 2004.  What you cannot see is the huge parachute that is connected behind.  Morris Yoder is the pilot shown to the left.

I'll never forget that first time up in the air.  It was the kind of experience that takes just a little bit of courage to have the gumption to attempt.  You gotta have a lot of faith in the pilot and the machine.  Once you are helmeted up and buckled in, there's no turning back.  And believe me, once you gain enough altitude to fly there 'aint no jumping out people!  It was one of the very first times in my life that I tried to do something that seemed so daring (at least to me) and I'm sure glad that my elderly mom didn't know I was doing it before I had already landed on the ground.  She would not have approved, believe me!  If you can "ground" an adult child, it would have happened to me that night.  No kidding!

It seems as though we are called upon a lot of times in this life to practice "leaps of faith" in everything that we do.  The simple act of getting out of bed in the morning and facing the unknowns of the day can, at times,  require a huge amount of determination and courage. Yet people do it, day in and day out and they don't even know what lies ahead of them. And my friends who are reading this, you are one of those strong and courageous people yourselves.

Many of the things already finished on my bucket list have required huge leaps of faith in order that they would be accomplished.  Finally being "ok" with returning to the water to learn how to swim and even allowing myself to go in water over my head, driving a 4,000 mile round trip to my beloved Maine from my former home in Valley Center, Kansas and at the top of the list of things that took a bit of guts, pushing down on the pedal of my bike for the first time after I got hurt while riding~among many others.
Several things yet remain on my "bucket list" for me to do and at least a couple of them will require their fair share of "nerves of steel".  It's not going to be easy to get on that plane for the first time in forever and head to NYC to see my niece Jessica in the spring.  But if millions of other people use the airways without issue, then surely Peggy Miller can be able to fly and survive in a huge city without too much trouble.  Still working on that one friends but hey I've still got 7 or 8 weeks to keep practicing.

Wow, it got kinda late as I was typing this.  Nigh unto bedtime for some of  us and for you young kids who make it a habit to dare to stay up until 11:30, well I wish you well.  Have a great night's sleep all and when you wake up in the morning, refreshed and ready to go, please remember all of the good people who will walk alongside you, even in the scariest of moments.  I still maintain that we are all in this world together, to help each other along the way.  Thanks for helping me....I will always be beholden to you friends.  Good Night!  (and by the way, isn't it a nice feeling to have someone to say good night to?)

I should be fine taking a giant "leap of faith" in New York City...just as long as this young lady helps her old Aunt Peggy figure out where in the heck she is all the time.  Can't wait Jessica!  See you in March.

Last but not least:  The words of James Taylor, from the song "Copperline"....
"Took a fall from a windy height.  I only knew how to hold on tight and pray for love enough to last all night, down on the Copperline."

~upon giving up an "old friend"~

You know it was really bound to happen and I guess for all intents and purposes, now is as good a time as any but the real truth is that it should have happened long ago.  Today was my day of choice to give up drinking diet pop for awhile.   Heck it was one of those habits, a "not so good" vice that I've followed for the better part of 40 years now.  And with increasing evidence of the harmful effects of drinking any kind of pop, even "diet" like I drink, well it just seemed the prudent and wise thing to do.  The list of possible "side effects" to our health and well-being are many but for me, the possibility of loss in bone density was a "no-brainer".  After seeing what happened to the bones in poor "old lefty"after my August of 2011 bike accident, I'm foolish to continue the practice of drinking as much pop as I have been.  Reluctantly I admit my attempt last year of giving up my "old friend"~hey I HAD the best of intentions but unfortunately after 3 months of drinking no pop, I caved in and went right back to my 3-4 servings of diet pop a day.  And the end to it was just nowhere in sight.  It was time, past time for a "do-over".

For the life of me, I can't recall when my pop drinking got so out of hand.  As a young teenager growing up around our family's restaurant in the small Kansas town of Haven, all of my family had ready access to the pop dispensers.  Shoot, that's where I learned how to make the drink called a "suicide.  I remember pop being a part of our noon time and supper time meals, both at home and in the cafe.  It just was natural to drink it and it came became such a normal part of life growing up that it carried right into my years of adulthood.  A large diet Coke at Wendy's, a medium diet Dr. Pepper at McDonald's and of course my very favourite drink of choice~a medium diet vanilla Pepsi at Bogey's, well they became my very best "friends".  When I was tired, lonely, bored, depressed and even when I was totally "sans" excuses, they were the ones I could always rely on to provide a "pick me up".  Giving them up, even at this point in time, seems almost "sacrilegious" but because I still have a little sense left in me, I must.

Today, many of my friends upon learning of my decision, gave me their very best advice as to how I could succeed in kicking the "pop habit" and beginning anew the "water habit".  They all know of my sincere disdain for the taste of water and they offered their best thoughts on how I could become "new best friends" with good old H2O.  Their suggestions ranging from drinking it ice cold and keeping it by my side always to "jazzing" it up a bit with flavoured crystals, to just plain DRINKING IT were much appreciated by me.  It's hard to imagine the difficulty in giving up the choice of having pop, especially when it has been such an engrained part of one's life for such a long time.  

There is a big smile on my face right now as I remember my late mom, Lois Scott, and her Diet Coke habit that she carried for many years right up to the day before she passed away.  My siblings will attest to this being the truth~if you came to Mom's house and looked in the refrigerator, there would always be an open diet Coke can, half-drank waiting for her to finish it off.  Mom was one who, when she woke up the middle of the night, would make the trek to the bathroom and stop off at the refrigerator for a swig of her favourite drink.  It didn't matter the time~2:00 in the morning was no different than 2:00 in the afternoon.  She always said that it calmed her stomach and indeed, the original advertisement for Coca Cola when it was introduced in 1866 touted all of the many health benefits one could expect while enjoying a glass of Coke.  When she passed away at the age of 87 in the local nursing home here in Hutch, her small apartment sized refrigerator still contained several cans of her beloved diet Coke.  Mom had to give up a lot in life during her later years.  I'm sure glad that diet Coke wasn't one of them :)

Well, day is done and night has fallen and miracle of all miracles, I have drank more water today in a 12 hour span of time than I have in weeks.  Of course, never mind the fact that I'll be up plenty of times tonight visiting the bathroom (ok, I know that is a TMI moment, but it's the truth).   And hey, on that bathroom thought....good thing for me that the bathroom is right across from my classroom at Lincoln.  I paid a visit there more times than ever today (yeah, yeah, yeah I know another TMI moment).  In fact, it was rather sweet at one point in time today.  As I was taking care of my business this afternoon in the 1-2 grade pod's bathroom, I heard the sweetest little voice coming from the stall next door.  "Mrs. Miller, is that YOU?" a tiny little 1st grade girl asked.  I recognized the voice right away and proceeded to be "grilled" on what I was doing in there.  The whole "60 second" moment in time gave further credence to the notion that little kids truly believe that their teachers NEVER have to go to the restroom.  Truth of the matter is, we hardly ever take time to do it.  For me, that's about to come to an end....you can only slosh your way through so many class periods before it's time to "surrender".  A small price to pay, I suppose, for trying to become healthier.  

Giving up pop and drinking water in its place would probably never have made the Miller "bucket list" and in all honesty, I cannot say for sure that I will be able to make it forever.  But I'm willing to try and see how far I can make it this time around.  I miss pop already and my disdain of water is very apparent, yet this I know~Peggy Miller's death certificate will never read, "She died because she gave up drinking pop".  I take some solace in that :)

Have a good evening family and friends!  Stay well and warm and hopefully one step ahead of all the diseases and sicknesses floating around here as of late.  I "raise my bottle of Dasani water" to you all in heart felt and sincere wishes for good health for all of us.  Good night all!  

                I'm gonna make myself drink water, even if it's the last thing I ever do.  

~upon never having gone hungry~

Greetings everyone and "hello" from my part of the world, Reno County~Kansas.  The afternoon is quickly drawing to a close and before we know it, night time will fall upon this side of the earth and another long winter evening will lie ahead of us.  This has been a pretty decent day, all things considered, and I hope and pray you can say the same for yours.  Even though the calendar doesn't show it in the near future, I still hold on to the thought that spring is just around that proverbial "corner" and sooner or later winter will just have to "move it on out".  It can happen you know.  Just have faith~


Some of you reading this are familiar with the Facebook page I created just a week ago, called "We Grew Up In Haven, Kansas".  What started out with 50 people has now grown ten-fold and man, are we ever having some great conversations there about what it was like to grow up in that little Reno County, Kansas town.  What a joy, a true privilege it has been to read their posts about what they recall as kids living there.  As a now "grown up" facing birthday number 60 in another 3 years, I've been kinda glad for their recollections.  Seems as if my old brain can only store so much info before it goes into "overload" these days.  So glad that these friends from the "land of long ago, and very far away" can fill in the gaps of the things I had long ago forgotten about.  I think we could just about write a book of our own on the history of our hometown~I consider it to be a blessing just to read what they remember.  Kind of like going back in time only this time I'm looking at it through the eyes of a much older person, not the kid that I used to be.

On May 4th, the members of that Facebook page have been invited to participate in an event called "Make a difference for Haven day" in conjunction with the national day, "Joining Hands".    It is intended to be a day of community service, of "paying forward" towards our hometown on behalf of all the people who came before us and for those generations that will follow.  Many activities of service are in the works and one of the first ones to mention will be the drive to collect food for the Haven Community Food Bank.  By the end of that day, it is the hope that we can collect at least 500 food items to "restock" the shelves of the food pantry.  As goals go, some might consider it to be a "lofty" one but I am just as sure as can be that "500" things will be no problem.  All I have to do is look at the names of that good group of people on the page "We Grew Up In Haven, Kansas" and my faith in reaching that goal is strengthened a whole bunch.  It will happen~

I feel blessed to say that in all of my 57 years of being,  I have not known what it was like to go hungry.  Sometimes my belly has been full with things I didn't particularly care for (like liver and onions, gravy, fish, raisins and olives), but regardless it has been full. I give thanks and credit to my parents for figuring out a way to feed all of us kids through some pretty lean years.   Growing up in a family with 7 children in it, I'm sure my mom had to do some creative thinking about how to feed us all.  When you are a farming family, times tend to get pretty tight and to stretch a dollar that was already hard to come by in the first place required one of Harry Houdini's acts of magic.  Yet somehow she did it and I can say for myself and my 6 siblings that we never went to bed hungry.  Of course, we were always admonished to never get "too close and friendly" with any of our pet roosters because you never knew when you might be eating them fried up for breakfast the very next morning.  It was one of those weird kind of moments of "pregnant pause", when you would ask one of your siblings after days of searching the farm yard, "Where's Blackie the rooster?" and they would reply, "Peggy, I think we ate him for breakfast on Monday."

Friends, may I ask you a question?  Do you know what it's like to be hungry?  I mean, REALLY hungry?  I hope and pray that your answer is like mine, "NO".  Yet sadly, for some who may read this the answer might well be "Yes, I do."  I "googled" in the question, "How many hungry people in the U.S.?" According to the online site feedingamerica.org, for 1 in 6 Americans the struggle with hunger is a real issue.  If you had to put a "face" on hunger, well just take your pick~the very old and the very young, the unemployed, male or female, college educated or not....ANYONE can fall victim to the problem of not having enough money or other means to purchase the food they need to eat on a regular basis.  A lot of people go to bed hungry each night and all of us out there who do not, are only a paycheck or two away from the same possibility happening to us.  A sobering thought, isn't it?

Most of you reading this, heck probably ALL of you reading this, have already helped out in one way or another to feed the folks of your community who are in need of help.  Maybe you have worked at the soup kitchen or the local food bank.  You perhaps sent bags of food to school with your children to donate during the food bank drive or given money to purchase food for those who would have to do without during the holidays.  Maybe you are the driver for the local "Meals on Wheels" or you go to the Salvation Army or local homeless shelter to work there. My mom, she always loved to leave food for the mailman to pick up on that special Saturday once a year when the postal service helped to collect food.  What ever it might be, you and thousands of others do it, and you do it day in and day out.  As always the beautiful thing is this....it is done because you know in your heart that it is the right thing to do.  Never done for the "thanks" from those who receive it but rather GIVEN in "thanks" for never having to endure the heartache yourselves. 

Well, night time has fallen and the last vestiges of the sun's light have long ago left our side of the earth.  I had to stop and slip a sweatshirt on because the chill of this winter night seems to soak through the walls even though the furnace is doing its level best to keep the house warm.  But in the littlest of things I do so give thanks....My sweatshirt is warm, my belly is full from supper, and the roof over my head belongs to me.  Oh yeah, and about those 500 food items?  I'll keep you posted everyone~If there was a bet as to whether or not the "friends of Haven" will come through or not...well, it's a "no-brainer" as to who I am betting on.  :)

Good night everyone and a peaceful night's sleep to all of you.  

"Bellies full" of pancakes from the IHOP.....my dear friend from the "land of long ago and far, far away"~Annetta Grandon Hoffman.  July of 2011

revisiting some lessons learned

 I'm anxiously awaiting Kansas' birthday celebration coming up on January 29th,  just a short 3 weeks away.  Having been a life-long "Jayhawker",  I've seen many of the state's birthdays come and go. As an educator, I have loved teaching kids about the state that they live in and its late month observance is just one of those things that seems to help the dull and very long month of January fly by a little quicker.  From learning all the verses to "Home on the Range" and the names of all 105 counties to studying  about famous and noteworthy Kansans, there is much to celebrate about being from this state of ours.  I rejoice in it~You gotta love living in Kansas!

This year, I'm looking forward to the 29th of January for yet another reason.  The annual registration for the "2013 Bike Across Kansas" event opens up that day and I intend to be as close to the first one who registers as I can possibly be.  My last attempt at riding the BAK was in the summer of 2011 when I successfully pedalled my bike half way across the state, from the Kansas-Colorado border at Tribune to west of McPherson, just inside the Rice County line.  What originally had been planned  by me as a nearly 500 mile journey was cut short at the halfway point, after about 237 miles ridden, due to some problems I encountered with dehydration and heat stroke on day #5 of the event.  After I broke my arm cycling about two months after coming off the trail, I nearly gave up the thought of ever riding my bike again, let alone going on the BAK in the future.  But enough time has passed by and now I'm trying  my best to get back on my bike and train enough to try it once again this coming June.  "Old lefty" is hanging in there and doing its part and although my nearly 10 months of relative inactivity has taken its toll, I believe that I can make it the entire 500 or so miles this time.  Crazy I may be, but I still have faith :)

The very first night out on the 2011" Bike Across Kansas"~"Camp Miller at Tribune".  I was happy, "old lefty" was normal. The ground was as hard as a rock and driving in tent stakes was more challenging than riding 20 miles straight into a headwind out of the south.  But none of that mattered because I was doing what I had longed to accomplish for way more years than I would ever want to remember.

I was looking back at my original posts of this blog, dated May and June of 2011.  As many of you know, this "bucket list" blog originally began as "Peggys BAK Journey of 2011".  It never was intended by me to take this any further than the journey across Kansas by bicycle that June.  But as I prepared what was to be my very last posting EVER, I got an email from my niece Brandy in Texas, asking me to consider writing and telling people more about my bucket list quest.  And about 425 postings later, well I guess here I am.  I remember so very well, the impetus for writing what I thought would be the "last" thing I ever wrote before I closed this blog site down.  Looking back now, I am sure of two things~I'm glad that I wrote the "last" one and even more glad that it ended up NOT being the final one.  The blog entry of June 8th, 2011 follows below~I learned a whole lot of lessons on the journey to "find myself" that summer.  Here's one lesson I'll never forget~  Thanks for reading, have a great sleep this night, and thank you for caring about what happens to me in this life.  I'm beholden to you all.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

My final post

From the movie, "The Bucket List"....Carter Chandler's #2 item.....  "to help a complete stranger for the good."

You know, I really should have a permanent indention on the side of my head for the number of times God has gotten my attention with the "whacking of a 2 by 4".  You would think I'd be learning a little quicker, but obviously not!  I believe I learned the most valuable lesson ever on Sunday morning, officially day #2 of the BAK as we prepared to leave from Scott City.

It was time to start packing up stuff and loading it onto the truck.  All around me I noticed pairs of people, working together to get tents down and gear stowed away....husbands and wives, people with their "significant others", etc.  And there I was, alone and having to take down my tent and pack up the "way too much stuff" that I had managed to bring along.  Even though I had camped only yards away from where the truck was, I was still feeling pretty sorry for myself as I got things ready.

  I turned from my campsite, one bag strapped to my back and the other in my left hand when all of a sudden, the first "whack" of the day happened.  So close that I could see the wrinkles on his face, there was an old man who was loaded down with 4 huge bags of crushed up cans.  He was struggling every step of the way, barely able to walk under the weight of those big bags of cans.  In my shame, I said nothing but watched him as he moved on down to the corner and sat to rest.  I picked up my junk without even thinking and climbed into the truck to stow it away.  I remember telling one of the other cyclists there that I'd just received my morning "wake up call" from God, and he understood exactly what I meant.

  Soon it was time to head to breakfast.  We all were walking down to the high school, just a few blocks away.  There would be plenty of food and all of us had plenty of money to buy it with.  The old man was sitting on the corner resting about 2 blocks away and as I neared him, "whack number 2" came to me.  I knew that I had to ask him if he needed help, some food, whatever it might be.

With a "sorry" heart, I am going to tell you right now that even though I believe in the idea of Carter Chandler's #2 bucket list item, I have "at times" been very selective of what type of stranger I will help.  Oh, it's easy for Peggy Miller to help little old ladies and gentlemen who might be struggling with a package or trying to get a door open.  I don't have any problem with "paying things forward" on the behalf of any stranger...never been an issue.  But I have had a problem with the challenge of helping someone like the old man hauling the cans around.  And I always ask myself, "WHY?"  Is it because he's dirty, unshaven, disheveled in appearance?  Am I afraid of him for some unknown reason?  Have I forgotten that, I and all of the rest of us, are just one or two paychecks away from his "lot"  in life.?  What is holding me back?

So as I approached him, I gathered up my courage and said "good morning" and tried to introduce myself.  I asked him if he was ok, was he hungry?  Wow, talk about a bundle of nerves--I'd never done that before.  To my surprise, the old man became very upset with me.  He said he had food and he was FINE and without anything further, he picked up his cans and hauled them across the street to sit on the opposite side.

I was stunned for the moment.  I thought, hey how did THAT just happen?  I was prepared to go and get him some food and bring back.  My eyes began to sting and just before a tear began to fall, I got "whack number 3".  And the message came to me so loud and clear on that Sunday morning in Scott City, KS. and the message was this:

GOD DIDN'T SEND PEGGY MILLER TO HELP THE OLD MAN THAT DAY.  INSTEAD, GOD HAD SENT THE OLD MAN TO HELP PEGGY MILLER.

  The old man didn't need food or sustenance nearly as bad as I needed to learn that it was ok to talk to him and offer help.  And the blessings of this life keep pouring down on me every single day.  I believe that he may well have been an angel-sent for the very purpose of teaching me a much needed lesson.  May you also be blessed this day my dear friends and family.

From the words of the angel Tess:
"God has a plan.  He always does, but sometimes people forget and try to make their own imperfect plans.  People can only see a little way down the road.  But He can see the whole trip."


"Judging a man is easy.  It's the compassion that is sometimes hard."


"A coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous."

The need for the "human touch" revisited~

So very many times as I have written in this blog, nearly 500 postings in all now, I have mentioned this thing called the power of the "human touch".  I have felt it quite often when I needed it the very most in life or upon those days when things seemed to be at their lowest point.  The "human touch" was what happened when the little girl, shown below with me, reached her little four-year old fingers up and massaged "old lefty's" bruised, swollen and battered fingers just a few weeks after my accident in 2011.  Her warm soft skin against my crippled fingers was the most soothing balm I can ever imagine and she was there at a time that I really needed someone, heck ANYONE, to affirm "old lefty's" worth in being touched once more.  The beautiful thing was that little girl didn't even know what she was doing for me.  It was done in heartfelt innocence and I dare to say that she saved me from myself on that warm, late summer day.

                                                  My dear friend, little Aaniyah~

Today was the first day back at school for our district here in Hutchinson.  How wonderful it was to see all those smiling faces come through the doorways to the gym as they ate their breakfast together and met up with their friends for the first time in two weeks.  You know, I knew that I had missed them, but I never really realized just how much.  Well that is, at least until this day.  Perhaps that is because I had grown used to them being around all the time and just like most all else in this life of ours, the things that are close to us...well, we just take them for granted.  It's only during a time of separation, or just plain doing without, that we really see just how much they mean to us.  And friends, really I gotta say...those kids, all more than 230+ of them, mean the world to me.  Not sure what I would do without them.

All things considered, this first day back was pretty good.  I didn't sleep so well last night and as I tossed and turned from about midnight to 3 a.m., I had plenty of time to think of those kids and the rest of life while I was at it.  By the time my alarm clock went off at 4:30, I knew that I was in big trouble with only 4 1/2 hours of sleep "under my belt" and a very full day waiting for me at school.  As a teacher, it's the kind of night's rest that can turn into a real nightmare during the course of the school day.    I was pleasantly surprised at how the day turned out, in spite of  how little sleep I ended up getting.

People all around me, from little kindergarten kids right on up to adults showered me with the "power of the human touch".  Steve, our school's custodian, helped me take down the Christmas tree in the front lobby and made "short order" out of  a job that would have taken me forever to do on my own.  My friend Brenda always gives me the most beautiful smile every morning as we work together in the gym to make sure the kids get their breakfast at 7:15 each morning.  Today was no exception.  Her smile helped to get my day off on the right track.  My friend Diana helped me set up the hole punch to fit my papers that go in the student record books of each of the nearly 50 4H members from our school.  I had worked for several hours over the week end just trying to set it up right and sadly came up short every single time.  Wow-it's that "power of the human touch" thing.  I was greeted warmly by my colleagues who each seemed happy to return to school as well.  Their friendly voices and kind gestures throughout the day, helped me to realize that I'd more than likely make it, even if I did look like a "walking zombie", what ever THAT should look like.

And then, well then there's the kids~the very reason why I came out of retirement 3 years ago to return to the classroom once more.  I don't know what it is about kids but they have this uncanny knack of doing just the right thing at just the right time in my day and once again, how innocently it is done.  At breakfast duty I felt a little person come up behind me and put their little arms around my waist in a "I'm sure glad to see you again, Mrs. Miller" kind of hug. I turned around to find a little kindergarten boy proudly showing me that he could STILL read the name on his breakfast card even though he had been out of school for over 2 weeks.  My dear tiny friend from the second grade, Jasmine wandered up to see me before getting her breakfast.  When I asked her if she had "half of a hug" she could spare "old Mrs. Miller", she obliged by giving me not just a half of one but rather, a full fledged "I love you teacher" kind of one.  All day long their outpourings of the "human touch" were witnessed to me...a smile when we crossed paths in the hallways, a cute little "hello" as they stood in line outside my door waiting to go to recess, a return visit to my door way at the end of the day by a third-grader just wanting to see if I was doing ok.  Heck, I cannot wait until tomorrow to go back for a whole lot more :)

The darkness has arrived now in our part of the world, south central Kansas.  I'm on the way to Haven in just a bit to take care of some things I need to do there.  By the time I get back home, bedtime will soon arrive.  As tired and sleepy as I am as I write this blog, I'm hoping there will be absolutely no need to lie awake in bed for 3 hours tonight.  Kinda glad that I got the extra sleep over break because it looks like had to dip into "that" reservoir in the wee early morning hours myself.  I hope and pray you are all well.  May you be the recipients of the "power of the human touch " as well each day my friends and remember "blessed be those who give as well as those who receive it."  Good night everyone-pleasant dreams and sleep for you all.

She didn't see a person whose arm was all crippled and busted up.  Rather, she saw a person who looked like she could use a little bit of love.  God's blessings to you little Aaniya January.  Mrs. Miller, "teacher", loves you.