~Upon no longer having to prove yourself~

Good evening my dear friends and family, all scattered throughout America, this great place that we all call "home".  This has been a pretty decent Sunday and all things considered, we did ok today.  How wonderful that winter's last "grip" on us appears to have given up and maybe now we can FINALLY get back to some spring time weather.  If so, that will give us a week or two before summer arrives.  

This morning the "Sand Plum Classic" bike ride was held with the starting point at the Kansas State Fairgrounds.  A couple of weeks back, I signed up for it along with my friends Patti and Tonya.  At that time, we were sure that the weather would be warm and definitely more like spring than winter.  This morning as we awoke to an early morning temperature of 45 degrees with a wind chill 6 degrees lower, the three of us began to rethink our plans for the ride.  Didn't take long to make our minds up~for me the 3 mile ride to the starting point at the Fairgrounds was about as uncomfortably chilly as I care to get.  So I picked up my "official" t-shirt and headed back home.  Shortly thereafter, I met up with those two dear friends at the Village Inn on Main Street where we enjoyed warm cocoa and pancakes for breakfast.  For us, the ride was not going to happen and even though many brave souls DID go, we felt very glad that we chose not to.  

You know, the 3 of us have ridden many miles together.  This would have been our third Sand Plum ride, had we gone today.  We've also ridden, about 3 years in a row now, the 20 mile Sterling 4th of July Bike Hike.  It's just been plain fun and a tremendous fellowship to be a part of.  I know that I will miss riding bikes with these two ladies when I leave in two weeks for Colorado. I thank them for their friendship and encouragement to me over the years that I have known them, both on our bike riding treks as well as having them as teaching cohorts at Lincoln Elementary.  I will always be glad that our paths on this earth crossed with one another.  It was meant to be.

There used to be a time when I would have NEVER thought of giving up a ride simply because the weather seemed too cold.  No matter what happened, I would always make the ride, not always because I WANTED  to but rather because I thought I HAD to.  I used to consider it a sign of weakness to give up on something.  In years past, I have practiced the dangerous habit of  measuring my own "self worth" by the things I could and could not do .  One of those things was how many miles I could put in on my bike in any given season.  The year 2011 was a great example of how that all worked.

I was sure that year that I would be able to complete the Bike Across Kansas that June.  So sure a thing was it, that I put in well over 1,400 miles on my bike from early March until the first of June.  I may have even been a little "cocky" in the way that I did them.  I remember when the odometer on the bicycle turned over to 1,000 miles that year, I picked up my bike and carried it the last half block home just so I could show my son Grahame and to take a photo of it before it turned over to a new  number.  By the time the BAK arrived in early June, my spirit was soaring, legs filled with strength to pedal me across the nearly 500 miles of the journey. Yet, all it took on Day #5 was a bout with dehydration and heat stroke to bring me to my "proverbial knees" and my part of the ride was OVER.  I remember the blog post I made that evening when I got home from the clinic after receiving IV fluids for the afternoon.  It was about as disappointing a blog post as I have ever made, even more discouraging than the trials of "old lefty".  From that day, now nearly 2 years ago...

Day 5 on the BAK started out from Hoisington and was set to go to McPherson.  My day started out in Hoisington and ended up about 7 miles into Rice County on Highway 4.  I knew that I wasn't feeling good when I left this morning and about 15 miles into our ride I knew that I wasn't going to be able to ride any further feeling like I did.  Grahame picked me up and I went to the clinic here in Hutchinson.  4 hours later and bags of IV fluid I was given the "no go" from my doctor who said that blood work and the UA showed the effects of mild heat stroke and dehydration.  Looking back, I felt bad last night already and shouldn't have probably ridden the 30 miles that I did today.  But I wanted to try.  I am very disappointed but I have learned that there are lots of people in this life who have made a premature trip to the cemetery because of their foolish pride.  I kind of like living still.  So I am listening to the doctor and saying "enough".  There is much I wish to tell you about the 5 good days that I did have.  Tonight though, I just want to rest and stay cool.  More tomorrow when I feel a little better.  God bless each of you for the words of encouragement.  I will be fine~just need to rest!  Take care all of you and I will post more tomorrow.  Peggy (7th day of June, 2011)

I always vowed to myself that I would return the next summer to attempt to do the full distance of the route, to make up for my self-perceived miserable try that summer.  But only a couple of months after that day in June, I crashed my bike in my own front yard after foolishly attempting to jump a curb rather than doing the sane thing....slowing down to enter the next driveway.  One badly broken left arm and 9 months of recovery time later, the BAK of 2012 was out for me.  The summer of 2013 would have to be my time and so on Kansas Day, January 29th I signed up to make one last stab at it before I would quit. This year would have been my 5th try~and as it stands now, it was my last.

Funny thing happened along the way to the Bike Across Kansas this summer~Believe it or not, I lost interest in it, so much so that it no longer consumed my every burning desire to finish it in 2013.  I gave it several days of good thought and last week, right before the deadline to withdraw and still get money back from the entry fee, I took my name off the official list.  And actually, I feel pretty good about that.  While I really admire the people who do it, especially those who attempt it year and year, I've finally stopped measuring just how much "Peggy Miller" is worth to the world just by finishing it.  

I kind of think from now on that I'm going to ride my bicycle for one purpose only~to have fun and not just to see how far I can ride it.  I may never ride more than 10 miles at a time again....I may not even ride every day any more.  But when I do ride, it will be because I want to and never again because I feel like I have to.  Things will undoubtedly work out a lot better that way.

The day is slowly drawing to a close here.  Grahame is out working in the back yard making his own "official first" garden of his lifetime.  He's doing a pretty good job for the first time on his own.  I'm proud of the hard work he has put into it.  Some of his Grandma Scott's "gardening gene" must have been passed down to him.  Grahame loves to play in the dirt just as much as his mom does.  He'll be doing a lot of that this summer as he lives here in the house.   It makes me happy to know that even though I won't be here, someone will be who will take very good care of our home here in Hutch.  In Montrose, Mike is getting gardening and growing spots ready for me to plant things in just as soon as we get back there at the end of the month.  I'll still be growing things, just in a different climate zone :)

Have a good night's sleep everyone~take care of yourselves and of one another.  Be at peace with your life and with yourself...and thank you, one and all, for being my friends.  Life would be pretty dang difficult without you, ALL of you!

Probably my favorite photo of Grahame and I~taken in April of 2011 right before he left for a month's journey on the Appalachian Trail.  I owe a lot to him for all he has done for me in the past 3 years.  "My left arm AND my right arm."