~words from my mother~

I was going through the very last of my things back in Hutchinson last week when I came across them lying in a plastic tub.  There amidst a thousand other things I saw four of the old journals that my mom had written in during the years just prior to her death in 2007.  I had completely forgotten that they were there and as I scooped them up into my arms to place them into another box of things to go back to Colorado, I stopped for a moment and paused to remember her.  I didn't cry this time and I think that in itself is a very good thing.

I was looking through the one she used during 1999, a diary that was inspired by the old television show "Touched By An Angel".  I went to her entry for what would have been today's date of June 4th and read what she wrote.  I would wish to share it with you this day.

Mom's words~
"I got my first pain shot today.  It sure did hurt when I got it!  They didn't finish the siding.  We had to call an electrician because we were having trouble blowing fuses.  Mike stopped by this evening.  Peggy picked me up from the doctor's office.  I went on the Golden Express to get there.  It was real cool today.  In fact, I turned the furnace on.  Lee stopped by.  He has moved to an apartment here in Hutch.  They are almost done with the house.  Just a little bit of patching up.  Today is Mary's birthday."

My mom never imagined as she was writing those words in her special book of remembrance  from now 15 years ago, that some day they would be published in an online blog for others to see.  She wrote in daily journals for the better part of a decade, stopping only when she entered a long-term care nursing home.  In my mind, I can still see her sitting at the little table at home there on 14th Street, writing away before she went to bed each night.  Perhaps writing down her thoughts of each day was as therapeutic for her as it is now for me.  Life was not always easy for my mom but she made it and the truth is that so will I. 

Even though I hadn't thought of that day she described in 1999 for a very long time, I remembered exactly what she was talking about.  She had a condition called spinal stenosis and the doctors prescribed shots over at the local pain management place there in Hutch.  That first one WAS a painful one.  I recalled that she had indeed ridden the Golden Express (for you Hutch folks reading this, especially you youngsters :) the Golden Express was the forerunner to R-Cat) to get out to her appointment.  I picked her up as soon as she got finished.  The siding on the house was nearly completed that day and it looked so different from it's former clapboard siding.  I felt a tinge of sadness as I read the names of the people she mentioned in her entry for that day.  Except for myself, all 3 others that she mentions are now gone from us here on earth.  My brother Mike died 6 weeks after she did in 2007, brother-in-law Lee died a few years back and her dear friend Mary is now gone as well.

Some time this winter, I'm going to sit down and read through all the 10 journals that she wrote in.  It sounds like a great activity to do some cold winter evening when the snow is falling outside and the mountains are too treacherous to pass over anyways.  They are like a gift from her, a real blessing to behold.  The words she wrote were simple and told of normal and perhaps mundane things.  Yet to me they have an air of eloquence about them because they told of a very special thing, her life. 

I have come to appreciate the little pieces of paper that I've  found in the years since her death in 2007 that my mom has scribbled a word or two on.  Bits of paper stuck into cookbooks, a side notation in the back of one of her old journals, letters and cards that she sent me over the years with messages at the bottom now have much more meaning to me than she would have ever realized.  I hang on to them, fiercely as a matter of fact, so that I can continue to learn from her long after she has left us here on earth.  You know, I can't say that I always felt that way but as I have grown older myself, it most certainly has become true. 

And if you don't mind, a word of advice to any of you out there who are facing the task of cleaning out an elderly parent or grandparent's home in the future.  Please friends, don't be in too big of a hurry to start tossing out things without really taking a close look at them.  Mom always told me that when it came time to clean out her things to be sure and look into each book, every box, any place where something might have been stashed for safe keeping.  When the time came for me to do that, I found that her advice was good and sound.  Oh sure, I would find a dollar or two here and there but the REALLY good treasures were the messages that she had written every day about another Kansas farm girl's life in south central Kansas.  THOSE treasures will be with me forever.  I thank my mom for her words which now in the years much later have brought me peace, comfort and much joy.

Many people have asked me how long I intend to write this blog and my answer is pretty much always the same~

"I will write until I run out of words, until it is not important to me any longer.  And even if no other soul on this earth but myself should ever see the words, it doesn't matter to me.  The important thing was that I wrote them down and cared enough to remember them."

Have a great day out there everyone!  Take care and be safe as you go about your day.  Much love to all of you, wherever you may be at this place and time. 

 Like mother.....

Like daughter.