~and my mom thought of everything~

My mom thought of everything.

I've been spending time going through a huge collection of books and journals that I've accumulated over the past ten years.  It was a "culling" of sorts as I determined what was the most important to keep.  I gave away several of them to my children, donated many to the local thrift store, and tucked much of the rest into the spare bedroom closet.  I was almost done tonight in going through them until I came across one last journal.

It was the little notebook that contained her funeral plans.

You know I was aware it was in there all along but you know how that old saying goes~"Out of sight, out of mind"?  Well it was.

She had the customary things that one includes in their funeral plans.  She wanted her funeral to be at her church in Hutchinson and for a dear family friend to officiate at it.  Mom had already long before paid for her funeral expenses as well as picked out her own casket.  The information with the corresponding numbers for things she purchased were well written out.  I remember the day that someone from the local funeral home came to her house to see her and explain everything that would be involved.  At that time, Mom was in reasonably good health for someone of her age.  She was in her late '70s and just felt it was time to do it.  She was very set on having things taken care before died because she didn't want us kids to have to deal with it when the time came.

I hope that I thanked her enough for doing that.
What a burden was lifted from our shoulders!

Clipped to the front couple of pages were some poems that meant a great deal to her about growing older and dying.  I had never paid much attention to them before, least wise until tonight.  I paused for a moment before finding a place on the shelf to store the journal, and read what the poems had to say.

My mom was 87 when she passed away, and truly she was more than ready to go.  She loved living, don't get me wrong, but there is something to say for not having to suffer the aches and pains that this life on earth seems to give us.  The older she became, the more her body gave out on her.  When her time came, just two weeks after her birthday, she didn't linger very long.  

Mom left us all a message on the last page of her book.  It was one that I believe she hoped would bring us much comfort and solace when she was gone.  She knew how much we would miss her and how sad we truly would be.  With pen in hand, Mom scrawled the final message at the bottom of the page.  It meant so much to read it shortly after her death.  It means even more tonight as I sit at the kitchen table and write these words.

Mom's life wasn't easy.   She worked hard, raised a huge family and helped to raise everyone else who needed a "mom" but didn't have one.  My father's death in 1982 left her a widow at the same age that I am now.  She continued to work well into her '70s in order to provide for herself and pay the monthly bills.  Towards the end of life her body began to wear out.  It became harder to walk, more difficult to breathe, and the arrival of panic attacks a couple of years before she died, was always a constant concern.  Yet she remained firm in the knowledge that her life had been a good one, despite every burden she had to shoulder alone.

I am like my mother.  I look in the mirror and see her looking back at me every single day.  At first it was scary to think that I was beginning to look just like her.  Then I got used to it and finally just embraced it.  After all, she was my mother.

I don't think I'll discard this book.  There are so many pages left unfilled and so I think that I will use it for my own funeral plans.  I'd like to make my own children's lives much easier by having things taken care of ahead of time.  My own cremation plan has been paid for long ago, and now there are just a few last things to deal with.  I hope to live a long time but if I should not, then I have done what I can do on my own.

It made sense to my mom.
It makes even more sense to me.

When our parents passed away, they didn't leave a huge inheritance to their children.  As a matter of fact, they didn't leave any. There was no valuable property or land scattered out across the country, no secret stash of gold or stocks and bonds.  Yet even in all of that, our mother left us something far more valuable than any material thing could have been.  She left us the gift of her wisdom and undying love for each of us.  

They were the simple words written into 5 pages of a notebook that instructed what to do when she died.  I love it that she said that her life was good and that she thanked the people who made sure of that.  I'm thankful for the gift she left me, the one that I can hold in my hands any time that I wish or need to.  It was just an old book, purchased from the local grocery store but the thoughts contained in it were priceless.  

They were thoughts of my mother and I look just like her.