A year ago today, I was over in Altus checking in on her at the hospice care area of the local rehab center. I remember that it was the last time her eyes were ever really fixed on me and she acted as though she knew who I was. I looked down at her, my big sister, and told her with tear filled eyes something I'd said many times in the months prior to her death.
"I love you."
And Sherry looked up at me with a half-smile on her face and mouthed back the words that she too had said so many times, not only to me but to countless others that she cared about.
"Love you more."
Sherry's eyes never met mine after that. Often during that morning that I was there with her, I would hold her hand and feel like maybe she was actually aware that someone was there with her. Towards the end of the day though, I could tell that her grip was loosening up and was sure that the time would soon be at hand.
By the late evening hours of June 16th I received a call from my brother-in-law Wes who told me that she was gone. You know, I didn't cry. Instead, I rejoiced that the Lord had seen fit to just take her home once again. No more COPD. No more CHF. No more breathing issues. No more medicine. No more bouts of anxiety and despair. No more hurting.
No more.
The days that followed her passing on June 16, 2017 were ones fraught with uncertainty and loss. Mike and I tried to be sure and check in on Wes as often as we could throughout the week. We knew that he would be lonely and lost after living with my sister for well over 40 years. I prepared to go to school for the first time in 4 decades without her there to lend an ear when I needed someone to listen to me about how I could better do things in my classroom. Summer passed and autumn came, followed swiftly by winter. By late January of this year, Wes too had died and the feeling of profound loss never really went away. Although it was quite a shock to lose them both so close together, in a way it almost seemed fitting.
They were two hearts who had been together for so long.
We buried my sister on the Kansas prairie and honored Wes's wishes to be buried at the Ft. Sill National Cemetery. One thing I am sure of, regardless of the fact of where their earthly remains shall lie in peace, is this.
They are together in Heaven now.
Tomorrow on the first anniversary of her death, I refuse to sit around and be sad. I am instead choosing to be happy. I'm going to do things that are good for me, things that are fun and up lifting. I'm not sure what that entails exactly but I figure I will soon find out. I knew my sister for a long time, more than 60 years of a long time to be exact. I know what she would want for me and for all others who loved her beyond compare. It would be her desire and I'm sure Wes's too, that the living go on doing just that.
Living.
No comments:
Post a Comment