Daddy said to me in a calm and reassuring voice, "Peggy Ann, you don't need to be wearing make up. You are pretty enough without it." And you know what? I believed him and if my memory serves me correctly, I never even opened up that stuff. That's why today, 43 years later, I never have to worry about people catching me without my make up on because I've never worn it. What you see is what I am. I'm thinking that I owe my dad a word of thanks~can you see me trying to put that stuff on now given "old lefty's" current predicament? Funny what we remember.
I have learned many lessons about vanity in my life with several of them being taught to me since August 4th. One of the greatest lessons I have learned is that it doesn't matter if you are able to ride your bike halfway across the state of Kansas in the hot and humid days of early June or if on an August morning your bike odometer reads 1,500 miles in the last 5 months of riding. I was proud, overly proud of being a darn good bicyclist who would be willing to try to take on most anyone on the bike trail. I received my "come uppance" in my own front yard, brought down by an unforgiving section of curbing. It would appear that I'm not the "hotshot" rider that I thought I was. LOL Let me tell you, the price I paid to learn that little lesson was pretty steep!
Another lesson in how vain I can at times become happened today as I sat in Dr. Chan's office at the Kansas Orthopaedic Center. One of his assistants had the task of removing the surgical splint that protected "old lefty" since surgery two weeks ago as well as remove the thousands (ok maybe just 20) of stitches in my arm and hand. It would be my first look at my arm since Dec. 15th. Here's the photo of what I saw. I knew that it wouldn't look good...I just hoped it might look a little bit better. By the way, don't be too squeamish. If you could stand to look at the external fixator device that was used initially, then looking at this photo should be a breeze.
Dr. Chan also did a carpal tunnel release in the hopes I might get back some of the sensation I'm missing. Time will tell but for right now, there is such massive swelling still going on that my fingers still feel asleep. The photo below shows that part of this.
I had some time alone in his office as I waited for the cast to be put on. I looked at poor "old lefty" and still, 5 months later, couldn't believe all I had put my arm through. Good thing there was no one else in there or else they would have seen a tear roll down my face in sorrow for what there was left ahead for me to endure. I found myself rubbing the place where "Eleanor" now was and whispering a quiet prayer of apology to "old lefty" for what it had to go through....and I asked God to take me through whatever lies ahead.
Vainly, I worried about the stark difference between my two arms now. "Old lefty" who USED to be normal in appearance is now a withered, shrunken and much older looking version of its former self. With my hands side by side, their dissimilarity is quite obvious. I wondered, for just a brief moment, what people would think of that? Would they accept it as the way it was going to have to be? Would their uncomfortable stares make me feel even worse?
This time, God didn't whack me upside with the message. Instead, He whispered quietly in my ear and the message I got was this..."Peggy, you don't need to worry about what people think about you on the outside. The inside, that's what really counts." And you know what, I believe Him.
Cast #6-December 27, 2011
A last word of thanks to my dear friend, Heidi. She messaged me with words of encouragement as I was typing this blog post. She ended it with a quote that she loved and felt most appropriate given my current situation. Dear friend, your words of cheer could not have come at a better time. I needed to hear them.
"In the midst of winter, I found within me there was an invincible summer!"
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