In my dream she was happy, healthy and much younger than she was when she passed away in 2007. She was at school, standing there amongst the kids and I, having the time of her life. Clad in her signature "Sears Zip and Dash Dress" and brown SAS shoes, she was moving from desk to desk as she listened to my students. Crazy thing was that Mom didn't say a word in my dream. I never heard her sweet voice, not even once. She smiled, big time, and was doing the thing that she loved to do best when it came to any classroom of students that I had. Mom had baked chocolate cupcakes and decorated them with brightly colored candies sprinkled on the top. The kids were biting into them as soon as they said their "thank you Lois" to her and sadly, I woke up just as soon as the last one was given out to them. I had no chance to talk to her and try as I might to return to sleep and begin the dream once again, well that just didn't happen.
Weird feeling to dream about those we love who have gone on before us.
I've seen my mother before in dreams, actually several times in the seven years that she has now been gone from this earth. On some occasions it was a bit scary to me and I awoke with a "start" because I wasn't sure if it had been real or not. But as time passed on, just as she had, it became a little easier to realize that she was gone. Sometimes my mom will say something to me as we visit together in those "nighttime images", mostly small talk between a daughter and mother. I can recall a few of the things she has said to me like, "It's time for me to go now" and "Don't stop trying". Not even sure where those phrases came from in my dream but I do remember them and I guess perhaps they were uttered by her to give me comfort and peace in whatever point in life I was at. People have been known to analyze dreams and try to figure out the hidden messages in them. I never have figured them out and not sure, really, that I want to. Surely some things are better left to the mysterious.
On top of my dresser is a photo of my mom as a little baby, cute and smiling.
I'm going to see my new baby granddaughter for the first time in just a few short days and when I go, that photo will be tucked away into my suitcase. I want little Catherine Lois to have that picture and when she is older her parents can tell her all about the woman she shares her name with. My mother and father would have loved to know her and as she grows up I hope she can learn more about them. The distance in miles between my granddaughter and I will be many but she already has been tucked deep into my heart and that's where I will always carry her. My mother is in there too and even though it's kinda crowded right now, everyone just skooshes over and makes plenty of room for others. Growing up in a family of seven kids, it reminds me a little bit like being at the "Scott table" for suppertime, you know?
The journey of life is kind of interesting.
When I was a kid growing up at home, mom and dad still alive and well, I could have never imagined the roads that I would go down in the years ahead of me. Talk about your hills and valleys and even add in several nice mountaintops, I think in 58 years I've seen them aplenty. The bumps in the road, the detours, the U-turns, and blessings aplenty have taught me many lessons about myself. I have regrets that I didn't listen more to what my mother told me about life and that many times I found myself too preoccupied with living my own life to listen to what she had to say to me. The things I do remember that she told me (and there are MANY) I'm writing down for little Catherine and even though I may not be there always to tell her in person, at least when she is older she'll be able to read for herself. I like the idea of doing that.
The new day is dawning here along the Western Slopes.
If my mom were sitting beside me this morning, she would tell me to get out of my pajamas and get myself ready for school. It's 5:15 in the A.M. here and she would admonish me to get going early so that I could drive safely. Funny, if you could see me now then you would realize that I'm smiling because I'm recalling an "old trick" that we used to do back in the olden days of pre-cellphones. When we kids were traveling back and forth between home and anywhere a distance away, Mom would have us always call back in the form of a "collect call" for someone who we knew would not be there. (and right now I am imagining a lot of young kids under the age of 40 who might be reading this saying, "WHAT in the heck does THAT mean?") It was our signal that all was well and that we had encountered no trouble along the way. I hadn't thought of that in years and why all of a sudden it came to the surface of my brain, I have no idea. So to my mom in Heaven, consider this blog post a "collect" call. I am alive and well, living here along the Western Slopes. I'm still your little baby girl and I love you very much.
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| Once even my mom was a little baby too :) |
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