I really had no intention of actually quitting work, because economics for a then single woman definitely dictated that I'd probably be working well into my 80's. My plan was actually to switch careers, to try something totally new to me. Four years prior, in the spring of 2005, I became a CNA after my mom entered long-term nursing home care. Initially I took the training to understand better the treatment that Mom was receiving. As it turned out, the facility where I received the training from ended up asking me to come to work for them. I remember how happy Mom was to hear that. I'd be working in the very same place she lived at and for the next year, I worked weekends, school vacations, and summertime as a CNA/CMA. It was a good job for me and provided extra income that came in pretty handy for someone who was learning for the first time in life to take care of herself all alone. I grew to love the elderly and to develop an even deeper respect for them than I already had. When I left the care center where Mom was living to work for another place in South Hutchinson, Mom understood but I know she missed my being there to help her get dressed in the morning or to tuck her into bed at night.
I grew to love that type of work so much that I began to think that I would enjoy being a nurse and figured that even in my mid-50's that it would not be too late to go to nursing school. I visited the good folks at HCC's nursing program and they explained to me all of the classes that I'd need to take in order just to even apply to the nursing school and take the mandatory pre-test that narrows down the applicant list. So to work I began! For two years, I labored online taking class after class. Many of the requirements were in science and math, two of the subjects that I rued the most back in the days when I was so much younger. Those classes made my brain hurt, big time but I managed to stick with it. I needed about 20 hours or so to be ready and I determined that I would not get anything less than an "A". The lessons I learned while taking the nursing prerequisites began to enable me to do my CNA job so much better as well. I was just about sure that my dream of a second career in life as a registered nurse would come to fruition, yet it did not. Shortly before the time would have come to make the decision to complete the last bit of the process, for personal reasons I decided against it. You know, it was kind of weird. I knew that I was making the right decision, no doubt about it. Once I gave up the dream of becoming a nurse, I never looked back. Of course as I began to learn later on, God had an entirely different plan for me in life.
Over the years since then, all four of them :), I have ended up returning to teaching with three more years back in Hutchinson for USD 308 and soon will have finished up an additional one here in Colorado as a teacher at a fine school called Olathe Elementary. I'm very thankful to have realized that there was still some "teacher" left in me and a career that I thought was probably over continued on. On the last day of school here in late May, I can gratefully say that I've been a teacher for over 36 years. At this point in time, only God knows what I'll be doing next year. I'm not really even worrying too much about it because I've still got 9 weeks more to go in this school term in a classroom filled with bright, curious and much loved by me 10-year olds. If I get too concerned about the future, I'm going to miss out on some of the best days of my 36th year. I've learned over time that you can't get those days back. I plan to enjoy them and I hope that my students do as well.
Actually I have to tell you, I have to say that I am not finished dreaming about what to do in the future. There is one last thing that I'd like to become before I die. The beautiful thing about being a teacher is that you have the summertime to pursue additional interests. That is what enabled me to become a CNA in the first place. I have a desire, at some point in time during the next 7 years or so, to become a hospice worker at least on a part-time basis and to assist in the care of those folks whose time to leave this earth is at hand. I have told the story of "Howard" before in this blog but it was my experience with him several years back now that planted the seed of my dream to some day work with hospice.
I remember the first time I skimmed through the text and workbook to prepare CNAs, that the very last chapter (the 36th one) was the part that dealt with the subject of death and dying. I remember how I felt when I saw that one and I definitely remember thinking to myself, "Good thing this is the LAST chapter and not the first. I think they do that on purpose. Geesch!" But as it has been in most of my life, some of the best learning that I ever have experienced was taught to me in the school of "real life". It would be an 87-year old man in room 208 that evening who would teach me, even with his dying breath, that I could do this part of life's course and make it just fine. In the years that passed, I was blessed to be at the bedside of many elderly people in their dying hours. Post-mortem care was the final act of goodness and kindness that I could provide to any of them. Someone has to do that, so why not me? When my own mother passed in 2007, I was with my family at her side as well. We figured that she had brought all of us into this world and the very least we could do as her children was to be with her when she left it. As a CNA you are taught to not get too close to the people you take care of. (LOL, yeah like that's going to be the case) I have shed my tears for so many of them and friends, when I pass from this earth I hope that someone will be there for me too. Not sure what greater act of love a person could even hope to imagine."It was my first evening of clinicals in the health care facility where my mom lived and my training had been given. There we were, all fourteen of us who were now on the floor as CNA's, dressed in new scrubs with our clipboards in hand. We were given the task of circulating amongst the residents' rooms and observing what we could, helping where we were able. It was in the north wing that I found another CNA just like me, Debbie, who was standing alongside the bed of a man who looked very ill. Howard (name changed) was in the last stages of life and I could tell by the look on Debbie's face that things weren't going well. We both stood over his bed and watched him, the nurse coming in from time to time to see how things were going. Our own instructor came in and stood with us as well. After a while, both of us realized by all of the signs and symptoms that things weren't going to be much longer. We looked around the room and found a Bible that belonged to him and we paged through it anxiously trying to find some passage of scripture that he might have underlined as his favorite. There was none. We looked at each other, desperate to do something, ANYTHING for this man. His breathing began to slow down and in one last attempt to provide some type of care, Debbie and I decided to say the "Lord's Prayer" together and as we held hands with one another and with Howard, we began. As God would have it, as is always the best of plans, as we gave up our "AMEN", Howard took his last breath. It was the first time that I'd ever been present when someone passed. You know, I always thought that it would be scary, frightening, unnerving, awful, the thing that nightmares are made of, the last thing a person would ever want to do in life, and a thousand other adjectives to describe being a witness to life's end. I learned that it was not. Both Debbie and I were given the opportunity to learn how to provide post-mortem care that very first night of our mandatory two-week period of clinical observation. My only thought was that Howard would have been totally alone in his exit from life because his children lived too far away and he no longer had any friends that were still living. God had put two CNAs in just the right place and time that evening and the lesson I learned from that is this~The dying deserve to make their exit from this place with someone there to care for them, someone who will hold their hand and say a prayer for their departure, to leave with dignity and respect.
I am only 58 and as I stop to think of it, I hope that I have many years ahead of me to find myself doing things that mean a lot to me. I'm a teacher and I believe I was born so to be. I've been thankful for 36 years and if there is a 37th for me somehow, I will gladly return to the classroom. I've placed that thought in the hands of someone so much greater than I will ever be. God knows the plan and I ask him to grant me patience as I wait for the knowledge of what to do. I have not always been so willing to wait on Him to render His verdict. Sorry to say, hate to have to admit to it, but lots of times I have figured that I didn't need help in the decision making process. How foolish a thought that truly is.
I didn't become a nurse but that's ok too. Was it time wasted? Nah, probably not. All in accordance to the bigger plan in life, I am where I am today. I couldn't imagine a year better spent than the one that I will soon be finishing up in the small place that I refer to as "my community", Olathe Elementary School. My heart is full of priceless memories of the journey I have been on since mid-August of 2013. I will treasure them forever and hold them close to me for the rest of my days here on earth. May your memories be so wonderful my dear friends and family. God's blessings to all of you this good Sunday morning.
The message from my dear young fourth-grade friend back at Lincoln Elementary, Ezequiel Martinez, which later became the decoration for the top of our wedding cake. I gained yet another cheerleader for life that day......
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