~upon doing your swan song~

It happened this past week at school.
It came up all of a sudden and most surely wasn't planned.
But that's the way it is.  Sometimes it's just like that.  It happens.

     Fridays are spelling test days in my classroom at school.  The system is pretty routine, really predictable as all things go.  The room gets quiet and I begin to pronounce the words one at a time.  I say the word, give it in a sentence, and then say it once again.  I know it's "old school" by some standards but it's how I do it.  Works out, you know?
     Right before I began with the first group of students, a section of 6th graders, I reminded them about the upcoming spelling bee on January 14th.  It's something they have been hearing me talk about for months now and I wanted to give them one more reminder before we began our day.  Then the weekly spelling test began.
     As I was pronouncing the 20th word, I felt this huge lump come up in my throat and I struggled to get the word out.  By the time I had finished the 25th and final word, I noticed a tear begin to well up in my eye.  A couple of the kids saw it and I felt compelled to stop and say something.  
     I took a breath and looked out at them.

"I have to tell you something.  I'm a little sad right now.  I feel like I could cry. "
And the room became really unusually quiet.

     I stood there in front of those 6th grade boys and girls, ones who seemed to have grown 2 inches taller in the course of 18 short weeks, and told them that I couldn't believe how fast the time was going.  For goodness sakes, it really didn't seem all that long ago that I told them about the spelling bee in the first place.  That was back in September, now nearly 4 months ago.  Where in the world had the time gone?  Where was the school year going?  I told them once again of how happy I was to be their teacher.  I told them all, each of them, that I loved them, through good days and the not so good ones.  They listened to every single word I said to them and not one of them made a sound.  
     In my half-embarrassment and half-"Geesch, I can't believe I did that" kind of moment, I grabbed a tissue and dabbed the tear from my eye before any more of them fell.   Then we went on and the really nice thing was this~
They understood and the truth is that kids are naturals at understanding.  We grownups don't give them near enough credit.
     I'm 60 now and my years in teaching will sooner or later have to wind down and come to an end.  They cannot go on forever~I only wish that they could.  I'm hoping to achieve my personal goal of being in the classroom for 40 years and with only two more years to go, I believe that I can make it.  If the time in the future goes as quickly as the time in the present has, then I don't have that much longer to wait.
     I am preparing right now to present my "swan song" as an educator.  As I do so, I constantly remind myself of all of the many children that I've had a chance to teach over the years.  Hundreds, maybe even a thousand or two, have entered my classrooms in south central Kansas,  the Rocky Mountains of southwestern Colorado, and now here in north central Texas.  I have been fortunate enough to see so many of them grow up, start families, and become successful people in the world today.  They have made their old teacher so very proud!
     Yet I find myself being a little sad because I can do the math.  At age 60, there's a good chance that I might not be around to see the little children I come across each day sitting in the cafeteria, as grownups.  But that doesn't stop me from meeting them, giving them a hug or even one of those "teacher" looks when I see them doing what they are not supposed to be doing.  It will never stop me from loving all of them, no matter what and definitely "no questions asked".  
     Mike keeps reminding me, as all good husbands would do, that I really need to get a hobby.  He tells me that I need to find something to do that will occupy my time when I really do retire in the short few years ahead.  He is right, of course, but I'm not sure at this point in time what that will be.  For nearly 40 years and shoot, that's nearly half of a century, my hobby has been raising up children.  All things considered, it's worked out pretty well for me.  
     I can go to sleep at night.

I thought I was doing my "swan song" in 2010 when I retired for the first time.  I took photos every day of the wonderful things that kids were doing at our school back home in Hutchinson, Kansas.  I wanted to preserve every single moment in time.  As teachers, we are given no guarantees of anything.  We all would be wise to cherish each day as the gift that has been given.  I had to learn that lesson the hard way once.

The 3 "Giovanni"s and I~It was a wonderful place to teach!