~upon the subject of death and dying~

Good late afternoon dear friends with greetings from Kansas~where the roads are clear, the skies kinda/sorta blue at times and the temperature a bit on the chilly side with the remnants of the "blizzard of '13"  still apparent on the ground.  With spring's arrival in about 3 weeks time, things will start looking up and although the snow slowed us down a bit we are still so grateful for what ever moisture has come from it.  In the very least of all of this, we do so give thanks.

By the time you read this, I will be on my way to Colorado once again to spend the 3-day weekend in Montrose.  According to the Weather Channel site, things are looking good for an uneventful trip out and back, at least "weather wise" and as Sammy Johns' so wonderfully put it in the "Chevy Van" song, "that's all right with me".  Not anxious to find myself in a ditch this time with snow up to my car's door handles.  It's always a lot more fun to go some place if you don't have to worry about the weather throwing the proverbial "monkey  wrench" into your plans.  I'm pretty grateful for that actually.  The pass at Monarch will still be waiting for me to go up and over it and each trip that I make there, I actually feel much more at ease in doing so.  Practice makes close to perfect, or something like that.

One of the things that I have tucked into the car with a whole lot of other stuff I'm taking out this time is something I bought once that I haven't even gotten to use yet (thankfully, I might add) but once I do need to use it, well it'll be forever.  It was a real bargain, in comparison to what I would have had to pay for the "authentic" thing~$2.50 sounds a whole lot nicer to my "pocket book" than $250 + would have sounded.  And thanks to a local thrift store run by the Mennonite Central Committee here in Hutch, I no longer have to look for an urn that my cremains will be buried in.  Shown below, it's actually kind of pretty and I guess if things like urns and cremation are not something you would want to read about, I'll understand totally if you stop reading at this point.  No offense taken at all~
 

Several years ago, I made the decision to be cremated when I died.  My reasons were personal ones but I have to say that one of the driving factors of that decision was the extremely high cost of funeral home services these days.  I visited one of the local crematoriums, viewed their facilities, asked a long list of questions about the process and then made the decision to have it done upon my death.  I signed up for one of the pre-payment plans and although it took 3 years to pay it off, I finally did.  I felt like it was the best thing I could do for my 3 children, giving them one less thing to deal with when I was gone.  The only thing left for them to do was to dispose of my ashes in some manner.

The original plan, one that I held onto for the better part of two years, was for my ashes to be scattered around an old Kansas cottonwood tree sometime during the hot summer months.  The only stipulation was that I wanted the wind to be blowing so that the cottonwood's leaves would be able to make their gentle "whoosh, whoosh" sound.  Other than that, I had no other requests.  Well the kids learned of my decision and one of their first questions to their mom was,  "Well what do we do with you if you should die at any other time but summer?"  I remember, with a grin on my face, telling them all~Ricky, Grahame and Ursela~ that one of them would have to "babysit" me until the right moment came.  I'll never forget the look on their faces and the expression in their eyes as they shot one another panic-stricken looks.  They didn't have to say a word because their faces said it all~"Hey, don't be looking  at me.  I'm not keeping Mom!  You do it!"

Well, long story short, they ended up not having to worry about anything like that after all.  Rather than having my cremains scattered about on the Kansas prairie, about a year ago, I  opted for the traditional burial of them.  When my time comes to leave the earth, I'll have my ashes placed in the wooden container shown above and laid to rest in an old Quaker cemetery near Halstead, Kansas, next my great-great grandmother.  I listened to the advice of my very best friend who insisted that even though I was going to be cremated ( a process that he is personally NOT in favour of)  that at LEAST I should have my ashes all in the same spot.  We never did come to a consensus, he and I, about the merits/drawbacks to cremation and I guess it was one of those "agree to disagree" moments in time.  My final place of rest has cottonwood trees all around it, so I guess in the end, I still will be where I wanted to be all along.

The subject of our eventual "demise" and departure from this earth is not one that people love to sit around the supper table and talk about.  It really doesn't make for all that pleasant of a conversation in fact as a kid growing up, I  never remember anyone talking about it.  When my father died at age 59, now 31 years ago, none of his arrangements had been made ahead.  I remember how hard it was for my mom and all of us kids to go into Bob Cantwell's funeral home in Haven and try to get things taken care of.  Before Mom passed away, 25 years later, she had decided to get everything in order long before she even needed to worry about it.  She was happy that she had a "say-so" in the matter of her death and was so relieved to know that we kids would have very little to do in preparation for her funeral.  I remember thanking her for doing it and also telling her that she needn't worry about having to use it for a long, long time.  When she did pass on at age 87, she did so knowing that things were ready.  It was because of Mom's selfless act of preparation that I too, wanted to have things ready for "my time". Whether it be next week, next month or in the years ahead, I guess I am as ready as I could be for it.  But in the mean time, I intend to live life to its fullest every single day that I get of it.  My dearest of friends may you live your lives to the fullest as well.  For whatever time remains for me, I am way more determined to enjoy it than I would ever be afraid to live it.

Have a good evening everyone~love you guys, all of you!

~upon performing life's swan songs~

Good evening dear friends and family from Kansas where we have all survived the "blizzard of '13" and are alive and well to tell the story.  The streets are fairly clear, the sun has been  out all day melting yesterday's fallen snow and poor Eleanore, the snow woman that my son Grahame and I made yesterday, is already starting to show the signs of the effects of "global warming".  Oblio "the roundhead" has not given up sitting at the window by the front porch door, desperately trying to "catch Eleanore's eye".  The staring contest between a dumb cat and a snow woman continues on and I can only imagine what Obie must be  thinking.  It takes very little to entertain her OR me these days.  It's been worth the price of getting frozen yesterday just to watch what that crazy cat tries to do to a sculpted mound of now frozen snow.  That darn cat!

Thankfully tomorrow we will all head back to school for the first time since we dismissed the kids last Wednesday due to the impending winter weather conditions.  It's been such a long spell that we've been apart from one another and by yesterday at noontime, I was beginning to feel like it was way past time to get back to the classroom and continue on where we had to leave off on Wednesday of last week.  I was missing those kids yesterday and by this morning I began to feel like I was REALLY missing them.  You know, it's just like this~Kids at school, other staff members at school are like family to me and when you get used to someone being around you all the time, well you kinda miss them when the days go by and you don't see one another.  One of my favourite times of the school day is when I do breakfast duty for the students who come early enough to get breakfast in their tummies.  I like it that I can give a kid a hug in the morning when they come to eat breakfast, that I can say "good morning" and know that they will say it back in return to me.  It feels kinda nice to see a kid walk in the door carrying their back pack and having them motion me over because they have something very special inside of it that they brought to school that day.  And hey, it doesn't matter what is inside of their back pack either because whatever it is that they brought is something most important to them.  I missed saying the words, "don't run~there's plenty for everyone to eat" and smiling whenever I see the cutest little 4-year old EVER looking at 3 breakfast cards and finally, at long last, MAYBE kind of/sort of figuring out which one actually has HIS name on it.  I sure do love that little guy :)  

I'm starting to feel a little nostalgic as the days pass by because I know that surely my days of being an educator are perhaps coming to a close.  I'm not positive what I will do with my time, what kind of a job I will get when I move to Colorado at the end of the school year but there is a very good chance that it will NOT be in teaching.  There are other jobs I wish to try, more on that later.  When I retired for the "first time" in 2010, I felt that 32 years in education were the limit for me.  Little did I know that I would be called back to teaching and spend an additional 3 years of  doing what I love the best, doing what I was destined to do in this life.  Now as I approach the end of this school year, number 35 in all, life is changing for me and it is definitely changing for the "good".  When I move to Colorado it will be the perfect time to consider doing something a little different.

When I started this school year, now 6 months ago in August of 2012, I had no idea of how my life would change for the "even better".  I was in the beginning of my own "swan song" as a teacher and I didn't even realize it.  Now 2/3 of the way into the year, the sobering thought of how little time is left to be with kids and to be called "teacher" lies before me.  And as with the brevity of life, the "brevity of the school term" has provided quite a wake up call  during these past 3 days.  With what time is left for me, I intend to do everything I can to make a difference somewhere along the lines that are left.

Remembering with gratitude that I've had the opportunity to work with so many fine educators over the years.   At Haven Grade School, Yoder Grade School, Hutchinson Middle Schools 7 and 8, Avenue A Elementary and my present teaching assignment at Lincoln Elementary, I have taught alongside staff members who worked their "tails" off to be sure that the kids entrusted to them received the best education possible.  I have seen teachers stay after school for hours or give up half of their weekends just to be sure that they have things ready for their students each day.  And you know that crazy rumour about teachers spending their own money in order to buy what their students need in the classroom?  Well you can believe every word of it~I see it happen all the time, in every grade level imaginable and the beautiful thing about it is this.....  Those teachers, they never intend to be paid back or reimbursed for the things that they buy out of their own pockets for their students.  Shoot, they don't even do it for a pat on the back from a co-worker or an administrator.  They do it for one reason and one reason only~they do it for the benefit and the good of their students.  Time and time again, day in and day out, they do it and I surely commend them for their honourable efforts on behalf of the children.  It has been my privilege to work with them and to learn from them as well.  

Well, the night time is here now and the skies have all gone dark.  I just called poor Oblio in from the porch, telling her that it was time to give up the thought of Eleanore carrying on a decent conversation.  Hoping that dumb cat won't be beside herself tomorrow when the above freezing temperatures further reduce her new "snow woman friend" to an even shorter version of her already tiny self.  In a couple of hours it will be time to consider heading to bed and getting some sleep in anticipation of returning to school tomorrow.  Hopefully about 225 little kids are thinking about doing the same.  Wishing for all of you a good night's rest with wonderful dreams to go along with it.  And as has been said before, many times by me and perhaps just as many by others, if you could read my blog this evening, be sure to say "thank-you" to a teacher.  Good night!

Memories of a great time during my final year at Avenue A Elementary~"los cinco amigos" at the Salina Zoo.  ( Miguel, Carlos, Luis, Juan and Jose) ornery and very much alive!  I love those guys~

The early morning hours of my 54th birthday, October 26th right before I turned in my retirement papers (for the first go round ).  Little did I know!  Hey, haven't I told you that I am a very slow learner?  Do you believe me now?  :)

   

~for upon having some fun in this life~

Good afternoon friends from home, here in Kansas.  For the second time in less than a week, school was cancelled for all of the students/staff for USD 308, Hutchinson.  The decision was made in the evening hours last night to call off school for the day due to more of the same inclement weather conditions that the Sunflower State has been experiencing since last Wednesday.   At this point in time on Monday afternoon, our county is still listed within a "Blizzard Warning" until tomorrow morning at 6 a.m.  Snow has been falling since mid-day but very little extra accumulation is being seen, at least here.  With the temperature sitting at 34 degrees  now, I guess that's just enough warmth to do the trick.  Since this IS Kansas, we can all probably expect temperatures  later on in the week with highs in the 50's and 60's.  As they often say, IF you don't like the weather just.....wait a bit, cause it is bound to change.  Guess I wouldn't mind if it would change back and stay that way.

Rather than just sit around in the house today, I made the decision after lunch to do something that in all of my 57 years of being that I had NEVER done.  And I gotta say, it kind of "pains me" to admit to it, heck it's unbelievable enough that it's almost embarrassing to own up to  it, but since you guys already know more about me than I ever thought I'd tell anyone anyways, well here goes...

Today, for the first time in my whole entire life, I went outside and in the middle of all the snow on the ground and the snow showering down from the heavens above, I made a snowman.  Yes, you read that right...I made my very first snowman, EVER!  Kind of pathetic isn't it?  57 years old and NEVER made a snowman~Today seemed as good a time as any.  Here's what "she" ended up looking like when the whole ordeal was done.  And even though I've been pretty much a life-long hater of snow and cold weather, I think she ended up pretty dang good!

Now I'd love to tell you that this job of snowman building was done totally by myself with no outside help from anyone.  But if I did, then I'd be lying.  Right before I went outside to start the process, I told my 24-year old son, Grahame, exactly what I was going to do.  He had a surprised look on his face and I died laughing saying I wasn't even sure how to do it but I was going to try it anyways.  It didn't take long before he had grabbed the shovel from his car and joined me.  Grahame knew just what to do and started building me up a huge mound of snow that was just PERFECT for sculpting "snow" things today.  Thank goodness that boy knew how to get the whole process started.  I would have been humiliated beyond belief to have had to go to U-Tube to look up something as simple sounding as "building a snowman".   (yet, don't think that I wouldn't have done that if all else failed!)  I believe I shall call her "Eleanore" and by my best guesstimate she's about 4 feet tall.  Oh my gosh, FINALLY something that even I am taller than :)

We were out there in the front yard for nearly an hour, working at moving snow around to build a decent shape snowman and even though it was cold and snowing, neither of us complained.  We were having fun doing something that didn't cost either of us one "blooming" dime.  The only investment we had in it was the time together and as it turns out it was time very well spent.  For all of the moments as a young mother that I sadly admit to not stopping long enough to do such fun things as this with my children, today, well today I did.  And you know what?  I had the time of my life doing so; if you could have measured my blood pressure during any part of the process you might have found yourself saying, "Wow, wish I had blood pressure as good as you do!".

I'm going to take a quick poll here, so listen up friends.  A show of hands here, how many of you are guilty (just like me) of not taking time to have fun and play in this life?  Don't be bashful about acknowledging it, a lot of us are guilty.  Yep, I figured that would be the case.  I could ask you why that is so but I'm guessing that I already have a good idea of the answer.  Perhaps you have been just like me in life and have devoted so much energy to working at your jobs, raising your family, helping others and being involved in a million other things that you forgot to do one of the most important things some days...HAVING FUN! And friends, I would be so remiss to not say this to you~IT IS NOT TOO LATE TO DO SO.  The photo above is living proof that it's never too late, never a bad time to learn to have some fun for yourselves. Would I want to make a snowman every day?  Probably not.  Am I glad that I made one today?  You can bet that I most certainly am!

It's nigh onto nearly 4:30 in the afternoon now and this is one "snow day" that has flown by pretty dang quick. The temperature outside the door sits right even with the freezing mark at 32 degrees with the wind out of the north at just about 20 mph.  In a couple of days things will start to warm up and poor "Eleanore" will be just a pile of mushy and dirty snow with a blue plaid hat sitting atop it.  And even though Grahame and I had a lot of fun building her, even we realize that when it is said "to everything there is a season" that snowmen are included in it as well.  And if there is never another time for me to create a snowman, then for sure I have done so this day.

Take good care my dear friends and family.  Stay well, warm, and at peace within yourself.  Wishing you a warm and cozy evening, no matter where you may find yourself this night.  Have a good evening everyone :)

I hope that when I finish "growing up" that I will be a lot like my son Grahame.

~to everything there is a season, a time and a purpose

Greetings dear friends on a sunny Sunday afternoon from my part of the world, Kansas.  The "time and temperature" down town on Main Street is registering 49 degrees and probably a dang good thing that it is.  Those warm temperatures are helping to melt down a good part of the nearly 15 inches of snow we got just a few days back.  Just in time, by the way, as we anticipate blizzard like conditions to show up starting late this evening and into tomorrow night.  Depending upon which weather model you look at, we can see anywhere from 12 to 18 inches of more snow in the next day around our part of the "neighbourhood" and from drought stricken Kansas that continues to be good news.  Yes, it's a given that snow in such excessive amounts is a little tricky to get around in and a real mess to clean up, but in the least of things we give thanks for whatever moisture should be sent our way.  Don't know exactly what tomorrow will bring with the weather, but most folks around these parts are prepared for it and now, all we can do is wait to see.

I spent a big portion of the morning packing my car with some things that I will be taking on to Montrose at the end of the week.  Because the weather sounded so terrible for Monday and Tuesday, I took advantage of the warmer temperatures (and funny how the 40's all of a sudden sound so "tropical") to load up things that I wanted to get moved that I really can do without here at home.  During my visit 3 weeks ago, I took out the first load of books, dishes, and assorted odds and ends.  This trip out, all of the old crocks and bean pots that I have collected over the years are already neatly tucked inside the car with several other items stashed in around them.  The car is full and packed as tightly as I can safely make it and now, all I have to do is drive the 611 miles that lie between Mike's front door and mine.  Putting that into perspective for me is it's like saying I'm going to drive over to Haven and back a little over 25 times, give or take a time or two because of the mountains.  Not the easiest trip I ever took but also not the hardest either.  It's all in how you look at it my friends, all in how you look at it.

 You know I had the strangest "awakening" as I was packing things up and taking them to the car earlier today.  The realization began to set in that the "exodus" of those things from the house would leave some gaping holes inside and because I still will be living here until school is out, I wanted to rearrange some things inside so it wouldn't appear as bare.  It was easy to move the remaining things around to fill in the spaces that were once occupied by the items now stashed inside my car.  And guys, here's where the "awakening" part came to me~If I had enough stuff already inside the house to fill in the "gaps" where stuff had once been, then I could be wrong here, but I think that's a good sign that maybe I've held onto too much stuff to begin with.  

The late-comedian George Carlin had a memorable stand-up routine on the subject of "stuff" and although laced with his "choicest of words" he still brings about a great point~People have way too much attachment to the things that they own, so much so that it can be more than overwhelming at times.  Friends, do you ever find that to be true of YOUR own stuff?  I know that I have, especially as of the last few months.  And it is with a huge sigh of relief that I know I am ready to begin "letting go" of it for the sake of having a much more peaceful and simple life.  When you hear it said that "less is best", well they really mean that.  The more you have (at least in my case) the more you want.

As I've gone through my personal belongings here at home, I've had to make decisions about which of "3" piles that each item will go in.  There's the "take me to Montrose" pile that holds things like my collections of crocks and old fashioned brown bean pots.  There's the "this can stay in Kansas" pile like the dining room table and chairs and living room sofa.  And finally, there's the infamous "over my dead body" pile with things like all of my old record albums, the 50-year old Easter egg, and my Grandmother Brown's handmade checker table from 100 years ago.  And along the way, sorting through papers and the "leftovers" from the last 20+ years of life, most of which can and SHOULD be trashed.  I kind of like the feeling of "travelling light"~probably could get pretty much used to it.  How about you?  

Well, this afternoon is coming to a close and although the sun is still shining brightly above, those of us in this part of the country know that the winter storm warning that awaits us in a few hours is indeed a real thing.  Looking for huge amounts of snow and wind to come our way tonight and tomorrow and as best we can, most of us are prepared to wait it out until it should pass by us.  Although the moisture is desperately needed, the high winds and ice that will accompany this storm (now named Rocky) are not welcome visitors.  Praying of course to hang on to our power throughout the night and tomorrow and that everyone in our town and all the other affected areas will be safe, warm and INSIDE until the storm is over.  Take care of yourselves, all of you, and one another no matter where you may be tonight.  Winter cannot last forever, it only seems sometimes as if it will.  Taking the "bad" alongside the "good" is at times easier said than done~Hang in there together everyone, be safe and well.  Have a great Sunday evening friends!

My favourite piece of crockery~one of the first ones I wrapped and tucked into the corner of the car's trunk this morning.  My name was written here in Kansas when I was born.  It will always be a special place to have been raised up in.

Now my name is written here along the western slopes of the Colorado Rocky Mountains and it too will be a very special place for me to be.  And as the "good book" says in Ecclesiastes 3:1, " to everything there is a season and a time for every purpose under Heaven".  With a grateful and happy heart and a much lightened spirit, I tell you that I have found mine.  I am at peace and I wish the same for all of you my dear friends.  If I told you a million times, it would never be enough~I love you all friends.

~it's a long ways from here to there"

A good Saturday morning to you friends from snow covered Kansas~the 14.5" or so dumping of snow that we received on Wednesday through Thursday of this past week still lies on the ground.  But with today's forecast of above freezing temperatures and sunshine, little by little it will melt away...yet never fear, the weather guys are predicting yet another snow to come our way on Monday with the latest reports being an 80% chance of something liquid falling from the skies.  

It was a big mess to get around yesterday and to return to school for the teacher inservice day that USD 308 had planned for us.  From scraping snow and ice off the car to precariously driving down city streets still filled with mounds of the "white stuff", I'm afraid I have to admit that I wasn't too happy with the weather conditions.  The grand finale happened right outside of school as I parked my car along the side street to try to get into the building.  It was not a pretty sight and also one of those that you hope no one else had the misfortune to witness being done..... I lost my footing and I landed "face first" in the biggest snowdrift imaginable with "old lefty" taking a bit of a hit in the snow.  For a brief moment in time, ok really it wasn't all THAT brief more like the  next 4 hours, I renewed my "I hate you winter" relationship.  But after I thawed out, dried off and took a look at some photos I took last summer, it got better.  One photo in particular stood out to me yesterday and helped me to remember what a gift, a blessing this much snow is for us all.  Shown below~

It was a photo that I took last summer that "snapped" me back into a spirit of thankfulness for the snow yesterday. This picture was taken in July of 2012 after days and days and even MORE days of no precipitation in the Great Plains area in which I live.  The Hutch News was filled with stories each day of what the drought conditions were doing to area farmers, wildlife, plants and vegetation.  It was about as bleak as one could imagine and quite honestly, we all have known that it could get even worse as the seasons go by with little moisture.  With inspiration from one of my favourite books of all time, Sarah Plain and Tall, I decided to put this empty glass atop the fence in the back yard and continue to hope that somehow or another, the heavens would open up and send us the life giving gift of rain.    It took a few days after this picture was taken for much moisture to come, but it did. 

In the book, Caleb and his family are living in early 1900's drought-stricken Kansas and the situation is getting worse as the days go by.  When things seem to be at the most desperate of parts, Caleb gets an old glass and secures it to the top of a fence post, telling his father the rains will come.  Though not at first, the rains DO come and they arrive in just the nick of time.  Now friends, this wasn't a "magic, magic" moment whereby the glass sets atop the fence and immediately fills up with rain.  The empty glass represented an 8-year old little boy's faith and unrelenting belief that sooner or later the rains would come.  And they did!  So yesterday I remembered that and when I went out to my car at noontime for lunch, I was more careful.  All I would have had to do in the first place earlier in the morning, would have been to walk around the big snow drift.  Instead, because I am a life-long very slow learner, I tried to walk through it.  Is it any wonder that I once attempted to jump a curb on my bike?  For crying out loud :)

The snow day on Thursday allowed me some time to go through a lot of stuff in preparation for moving to Colorado at the end of school this year.  One of the things I did was to go through an old box of photos and if you have ever done that, you know that you can figure to spend most of the day just looking at them.  What wonderful memories they provide of family and friends, good times had.  Especially precious are the ones, for me, of my family members that have already gone on before me...my parents, grandparents, brother Mike, sister Janice, and niece Kimberly.  I also found the photos of a trip made to Colorado in August of 2006 as Grahame and I took my oldest son, Ricky to the most northern part of the state to ride his bike alongside the Continental Divide for one month.  Shown below~

Of all the photos that I have ever seen of these two boys together, this one will probably always be my favourite one.  They are actually 8 years apart in age but by the time this picture was taken, they really had grown into brothers that were much closer in age than that.  We took this photo right before pulling out to head back to Kansas that day and let me tell you what, this "mom" shed a few tears as we left him behind to make his way south during the course of the next 30 days.  I know, "once a mom, always a mom".

We stayed the night at a place called Strawberry Springs~a beautiful place in a beautiful state.  The boys will tell you, and probably REALLY embelish the story, that their mom decided to do some exploring and couldn't manage to read the signs that said "Keep Off!"  They have a photo showing the same~I had no idea what I was walking on and would rather not admit to it publicly but will, if you wish, tell you in person some day.  :)

Those photos, now taken nearly 7 years ago, mean a lot to me.  Little did I realize at the time that in 2013 I would be leaving the "flatlands" of Kansas to make my home in far western Colorado.  It didn't even occur to me at the time what wonderful things would lie in store for me there.  As the age-old adage says, "good things come to those who wait".  

You know I always loved the music of John Denver and many of his songs tell of his life in the Rocky Mountains.  I listen to his music today with a different kind of spirit and although I don't have the "connection" to it that he did, I am starting to see bits and pieces of the life he always wrote and sung about.  In one of his songs "Starwood in Aspen", he writes the line "It's a long ways from this place to Denver, a long time to hang in the sky."  I'm beginning to see what he meant by it and to paraphrase his line, "It's a long ways from THIS place to Montrose"....611 miles of a long ways from the doorway of Mike Renfro to the doorway of Peggy Miller.  In the days that lie ahead, I anxiously await life there but I know also how important it is to use the days that remain here to the fullest.  I am busy getting things ready, tying up loose ends, riding my bike like crazy (except when it's blizzarding), finishing the last 3 months of the school year and making "reconnections" with every friend that I can.  There is no doubt that I will miss this place, this wonderful state where my parents made the decision to raise me and my 6 siblings.  It's inevitable~The future is waiting for me and from where I stand, the future looks like a wonderful place to be.

Ok, last words are for you all who are reading this.  This is my plea to you this day, my question for you.  What are you going to do today that is just for you?  How will you be good to yourself?  I'm going to make a wild guess that each of you spends plenty of time each day helping out others and I know it to be true because you are just like that.  You put others at the front of the line and you don't do it for any other reason than that you know it is the right thing to do.  That's what I like about you guys!  But for a brief bit of time today, please choose something that you want to do and then do it.  You are so worth it, so deserving of it.  Don't ever let yourself believe that you are not!  And if you doubt it, then just ask me to repeat it again because I most surely will :)  Love you guys, ALL.

We're going to call this Satuday, the 23rd of February in the year 2013...a great day to be alive in!  Don't let the bad stuff get to you today~this world is filled with WAY more good than bad could ever be!  

A view I won't see much of in Colorado, but one that I have seen many times in Kansas and will forever have stored up in my heart.  My father's combines cutting a field of wheat in Thomas County Kansas near Colby in 1977.  

"Gold is just a windy Kansas wheat field and blue is just a Kansas summer sky." The late John Denver in his song, "Matthew".

~Friends I will remember you~

Good evening friends from the Reno County town of Hutchinson, Ks.  How wonderful to be typing this blog post at 5:30 in the evening and still seeing the sun shining brightly in the western sky.  I can remember in the deepest of winter sitting here at the table typing away and watching the last of the sunlight disappear around the 5 o'clock hour.  There's a good reason why one of my dear friends refers to winter as "the dark" and although "this" one has been more tolerable than many others, I will still rejoice to see March 20th arrive on our calendars.  The season of winter and I called a "truce" with one another this year and in my own way, in my own time, I learned to be "ok" with it.  

I can hardly believe how fast the time is flying these days and if the age old adage of "time flies when you are having fun" can hold out to be true, then I must be having one heck of  a great time! And I gotta say, it's not like time just NOW started flying by because it's been managing to do that since about age 30.  Every time I hear some little kid at school complaining because the time on the school clock seems to drag by, I remind them that it is going much faster than they can realize.  Unfortunately they probably won't see that until they gain a few more years of life's experiences and one day they will wake up and ask, "Where did all that time go?"  Ah youth~

For me, the countdown is on for many upcoming changes in life.  I couldn't have planned a busier year if I would have tried.  I'm 32 days out from leaving on a great trip back to the New England village of Owego, NY as well as a few days in New York City.  I've looked forward to this particular journey for sometime now and eagerly anticipate the visit.  It will  be a great experience for me, and thankfully, one that I won't be taking alone this time.  My daughter Ursela is joining me and niece Jessica, now a resident of Brooklyn, NY will be our hostess.  Can't wait to see this place that she now calls home.  And as for Owego, well I vowed the day that I pulled out of there last May, that I would be back sometime.  If a person could fall in love with a village, then I would say that Peggy Miller is in love with Owego, New York.  What a beautiful and fairy tale like place that won my heart over last year.  

But the most life-changing of adventures will be coming just shortly after that on May 24th when I pack up and head for a new life in the beautiful state, Kansas' neighbour to the west, of Colorado.  Some time during the days just before, Mike will come here to Hutchinson to help me get everything that I need moved there.  According to the calendar, and believe me I check it every day, I'll be saying "good-bye" to life as I know it here in Kansas in another 94 days.  There is much to get ready and amazingly little time to do it in.

One of the things that I have had to "rethink" as of late was my current "Miller Bucket List".  Of the 7 things that I had left to do between now and June, I realize that I will be fortunate to get 3 of them done.  The others on the list now have lost their importance to me in life and actually, that's ok.  One of the things that I've always realized about a bucket list was this~some things are made to be done and other things sometimes becomes "not so much" things.  Two things, riding the Bike Across Kansas in June and travelling to Owego, NY and NYC during spring break are already scheduled and little by little I'm preparing for them.  Yet even more meaningful to me than those two are, would be the following bucket list wish~
"To meet each of my Facebook friends in person, buy them something to drink and talk about life for a while."

A long time ago, heck probably as far back as 2010, I made the vow that I would personally make contact with all of the friends that were on my friend list from Facebook.  I thought of it one day when I noticed that a couple of my friends had over 900 Facebook friends listed.  I guess I was trying to figure out, "How the heck do you even know 900 people?"  It seemed almost absurd that you could even keep up with how everyone was doing, let alone remember their names.  Then and there, I figured to just do my best to at least once in time to connect with all of mine and even if we could only sit for 30 minutes to visit, well, at least we could do that.  My aim between now and when I leave at the end of May is to reconnect in person with as many of you as I can.  Unfortunately I doubt that I will make it to all of the faraway places where many of you are, but I will do my best.  Who knows?  I never thought I'd go all the way to Maine on my own~stranger things have happened in my life.

Friends, what in the world would we do without one another?  How would we make it without the support and the encouragement of those people whom we count amongst our closest of confidants?  There isn't a day that goes by in my life that someone isn't there for me.  There is always a friend, many times near at hand, who is more than willing to step up and pick up the slack for me when I am unable to do so for myself.  My "back" is covered by so many people~I am watched over all the time.  Much of the time, it's by folks I don't even know are there.  And I say to you all, again and again, this very thing~Friends, I "owe you one" and will always be beholden for all of your kindness, for all of your concern, for everything done on my behalf by you.  And you know what the crazy thing is?  You all do it, not for what you will receive in return, but rather it is done day in and day out by you all just because you know it is the "right thing to do".  And if asked about it, here's what you would say to me and anyone else who asked you...."That's what friends are for."

Have a good night everyone.  Day is nearly done and all things considered, it's been a pretty decent day for us.  In the least of these things, we should all be giving thanks.

  Four great Facebook friends from the "land of long ago and far, far away"...at Haven during the Fall Festival of 2011~Catherine, Annetta, Toni and Joyce, my dear friends.

Facebook friends and teaching co-horts from Lincoln Elementary-spring of 2011
                Carol, Julie, Dalia, Patti, Elizabeth, Wendy and Andrea
Ladies, your strengths are many.  I became a greater educator because I had the experience of  working with you and learning from you all.

And lest I be remiss to say, you just never know when the finest of things in life will come your way.  In the winter of my 57th year, I received "the blessing".  
                                                      ~Mike and Sally~

Upon never being too late

I remember the day that we all stood there in my late grandmother's bedroom at my aunt's home in Halstead, Kansas.  It was only a few months after my Grandmother Brown had passed away in the winter of her 106th year.  Now on that hot summer's day in mid-June, the time had come to sort through the last of her belongings and decide what to keep and what to throw away.  You know, it's kind of  amazing how, at the end of your life it all comes down to this~what had always found its way into the "over my dead body pile", literally is that.

It was at the end of our time together and everyone was so tired. A few tears had been shed as we remembered the woman whose given name was Catherine Schilling. There was just one small box left with a few odds and ends, mostly papers except for one piece of folded up cloth with writing on it. As we examined the fabric that was now faded with the passage of the years, it became apparent that we were looking at a sample quilt-block and I could tell by the writing that it belonged to my grandmother's mother, Great-Grandmother Schilling.  It was just a simple piece with writing across the top of it in pencil lead as to how the placement would go within the rest of the quilt.  No one really had this burning desire to have it, so I took it home with me.  What I was going to do with, I didn't know but I dang sure wasn't just going to let it get thrown away.  Something could be done with it~and the something is shown below.

This is me at school last week, holding up the quilt block that was nearly thrown away that summer's afternoon in 1997.  The year after I retrieved it from the "throw away" pile at my Aunt Beck's house, I took it the local framing shop here in town and asked them if they could preserve it in a frame for me.  I thought the end result was actually kind of pretty and although you cannot see it in the photo, great-grandmother's pencilled in words are still there, now so very many years later.

On the back, I wrote a message to my children, explaining the reason for keeping the quilt block.  I wanted them to know that their great-great grandmother, the woman we always referred to as our "German grandmother", had made this with her own two hands.  I wanted them also to know that the lesson to be learned in saving it was that no matter how old something is, its value is still there although sometimes it's hard to see it.  And isn't that the way a lot of things in life are?  What easily could have found itself in the trash now had been given the chance for a new life, a "stay of execution" from the dumpster.  Come to think of it, I believe I myself have received a few of those stays of execution as well.  How about you friends?

As I get ready in the weeks ahead to move to a new home and life in Montrose, Colorado~I've been going through my stuff here to decide what needs to go and what can stay behind.  Two weeks ago, my 50-year old real Easter egg made the journey to Mike's house in Colorado, tucked inside a box that was tucked inside a pillow.  An article that has absolutely "zero value" monetarily is worth everything in memories to me.  I gotta tell you I haven't met anyone else who has a "petrified" Easter egg so if you know of someone, let me know too! Personally, I'm thinking that, shoot, I ought to enter it into the Guinness Book of World Records before I die.

Well, it's morning time now and the sun is about an hour from rising here at home in Hutchinson, Kansas.  It's a  school day and in less than 2 hours, over 230 of the greatest kids ever will begin arriving at school, ready to begin a new week.  Even though times get a little hectic within the course of the school day, I'm enjoying these last few months of being one of their teachers.  When I say "good-bye" to them as they walk out the door that last day in May, I know that it will be my "last day" with them as well.  I'm really grateful for the "stay of execution" that I received in the fall of 2010, only 5 short months after I had  "officially" retired from being a teacher.  I've been granted 3 full years more to teach and at the end of May I will have completed my 35th year.  I thought I was ready to "quit" teaching after year 32  but someone way more smarter than I am, had other plans for me.

Have a wonderful Monday, the 18th day of February in the year 2013.  The day is waiting for us, filled with good things enough to outweigh any of the bad that might happen.  If I have already said it a 1,000 times before, I need to say it once again.  Thank you my dear friends for everything that you have done for me in the past and also well into the future.  I'm grateful for everything in life and your friendship is at the top of that "list".  Take care of yourselves and each other~please may you find peace in this life of ours.  I have.

I just have to smile every time I look at the photo that I was sure was my "last" one with kids.  My last group of ESL students at Avenue A Elementary before I officially retired for the first time in May of 2010.  There I am, right on the front row with all the other short kids! And for the record, to my good friends Craig and Dennis, I am NOT really that short.  I'm on my knees you two guys!

With a grateful heart, giving thanks that the finest things were still waiting for me even as I grew older.  Looking forward to a wonderful future ahead of me and realizing that even when we think it "might" be, it is never too late.  I shall be forever beholden that I received this blessing in my life.

~back on the flatland again~

Good evening dear friends and greetings from Hutchinson, a place I've called "home" for many years now.  Living here on the plains of Kansas at an elevation of 1,543 feet is quite a bit different than being atop Monarch Pass in Colorado yesterday morning early.  Wait a minute cause I'm doing the math here~let's see now, can't take 3 from 2 so gotta borrow from the tens place and so on and on and on....according to my figuring I'm sitting 9,769 feet shorter in south central Kansas than I was yesterday in south central Colorado.  Geesch, no wonder things seem a little bit different today.  After a day's worth of driving home yesterday from the beautiful city of Montrose, Colorado, it was good to only have to drive a mile to school this morning and I have to admit that it was kind of nice to have a very straight shot to get there. 

As tired as I was last night, it was impossible to lay down to go to sleep right away so I just stayed up and did some laundry and caught up on the news around here from Grahame.  Of course, Oblio "the round head" had missed my not being here and that crazy cat hung on to me like my 3 kids used to when I would have to leave them somewhere that they didn't want to be at.  Before I went to bed, I took a look at the few photos that I had taken along the way home and realized just what I had driven through in order to get home.  I'm grateful to have made it back to Kansas in one piece, more or less, and this weekend past will always be a nice memory for me.

Early yesterday morning, the car was loaded and ready to return to the "sunflower state".  Mike made sure that I had water, snacks, and everything else needed to be comfortable on the way home.  In the off chance that I might have had trouble again as happened on Saturday morning, we both wanted me to be prepared.  So with a full tank of gas, a good night's rest, and a tasty breakfast of pancakes and coffee, I was ready to head out and try again to get home.  Before I left, I stopped to pause and take a photo of the most beautiful sunrise in the eastern sky.  After the dreary and gloomy sky of Saturday morning, those rays of sunshine seemed like a promise that the trip home might be easier and since my overall level of confidence was at near zero, it was kind of nice to see.

                                 "Morning has broken" in Montrose, Colorado.  
                    The view out of the kitchen window as seen yesterday.

As I pulled out of the driveway, I glanced back one more time to see Mike smiling at me and holding up 3 fingers to signify the number of weeks it would be before I returned.  With that nice thought, I headed out on what would be a much less "eventful" trip up the mountain than the day before.  Slow but sure, with my head on straight, I made the climb upwards in order to cross over the pass at Monarch.  Little by little, I made it.

When I got to the Cerro Summit, the first one as you leave Montrose, I could tell that the roads had definitely improved from the day before.  By the time I found the spot called "Arrowhead" (where I'd had the problem the day before) I knew that I would probably be ok.  I slowed down (all the way from 22 mph to 15 mph)  momentarily to look at the place where I had slipped into the ditch and uttered a word of thanks that at least for today I was going to get beyond it.  By the time I made it to the half-way point at Gunnison, I felt sure that I'd make it and turns out that I did.

At the top of Monarch Pass I stopped to take a photo of what it looked like that day.  The only way I can describe it was "surreal"....such a drastic change from where I had started the day in Montrose as well as what I would find as I headed down the mountain toward Salida.  The pictures below tell it better than I can....

The snowy landscape, the icy roads and the cloud filled dreary sky were actually, in a strange sort of way, beautiful.  As a life-long "snow hater", I felt almost mesmerized by the way things looked and I found myself thinking that snow probably wasn't nearly as bad as they way I'd always looked at it before.  There was a very quiet stillness, a peacefulness about the area~to Peggy Miller, it was the "top of the world" as I knew it and weirdly enough to say, I'm glad that I was there for that very brief moment in time.  

13 hours after I had started out, I entered Reno County and when I saw that Hutchinson was less than 30 miles away, I began to loosen the "death grip" that I had kept on the steering wheel for over 600 miles.  My shoulders relaxed a bit and my worry and anxious feelings subsided for I was nearly at home.  When I hit the city limits at about 8:15 it was with a very thankful heart to have arrived back safe and sound.  All in all, everything turned out ok.  Friends, my dearest of comrades, I want to thank you for praying me home.  I got a call from a friend back here in Hutch who told me that they were thankful that I had been updating my Facebook page each time I stopped along the way.  She told me of all the different folks who had commented about where I was at during the day and it made me feel so much better, so much more at peace, to know that there were people who knew where I was at most any given point along the way between Montrose and Hutchinson.  Turns out I wasn't by myself at all.  I am beholden to you friends for your kindness and love, your concern and special friendships.  I couldn't have made the trip home without you guiding me along the way.

It's dark here now and night time continues to "swallow up" my part of the earth.  Taking it easy and resting tonight with plenty to do to keep me busy in the days ahead.  I will be returning to Montrose for 3 days at the beginning of March.  Since my plan is to move there when school is out in May, I'll be taking another carload of things there when I go back in just 3 weeks.  I figure it will help to take stuff out as I go and am still deciding what all I will take with me.  For sure, the stuff in the "over my dead body" pile goes first.  As a matter of fact, on this past weekend's trip, packed among my stuff in the back seat was a "stow away" of sorts.  My grandmother's 50-year old real Easter egg was one of the things I took out on this trip.  Luckily it fared the journey very well so I don't have to worry about it getting squashed with the next batch of stuff.  I know it's crazy to keep it after all of these many years, but to the little 7-year old girl that I used to be, it was a "treasure" from Grandmother Brown's hands unto mine.  No amount of money would change my mind and I told Mike, with a smile on my face, that wherever I go, the egg goes as well.  He understood~

Saying good night now to all of you, sweet dreams and a pleasant and peaceful night's rest.  For all of the "mountains" that you guys have to cross, day in and day out, I pray that you will have the ability to do so.  Whether it be scaling Monarch Pass or battling any other of life's challenges, we are all in this TOGETHER.  I still will always believe in the concept of "strength in numbers" and that sticking together, covering one another's backs is the only way we are going to survive in this sometimes, ridiculously crazy world of ours.  Thanks for being on my side~and if you are looking for me, well just look right beside you cause that's where I intend to be.

 

The view along the way home.  I cannot believe I am going to say this~I have learned the snow and wintertime can actually be enjoyable and breathtaking, as long as you stay out of the ditch....kind of like bicycling can be fun and enjoyable, hey even breathtaking as well just so long as you don't try to jump a curb.  It's all in perspective friends, all in perspective.

For the very least of things, I give thanks tonight

Greetings everyone from Colorado's western slopes.  This will probably be one of those days that will go down in the history books for me as one to be remembered.  Rest assured that this "flatlander" received a valuable lesson in Rocky Mountain driving conditions today and I'm glad that the end result of the day wasn't as bad as it might have been.

It's night time here now and even though earlier today I had been on the way back home to Kansas, I surely am glad to be safe and well, tucked inside of my friend Mike's warm house.  Ice Age is playing on TV right now~kind of appropriate for the weather and climate of several places in the United States right now.  There has been snow falling intermittently here for the past couple of hours but for now, not much is coming down from the heavens above.

Early this morning, after checking the deteriorating conditions up on Monarch Pass, I made the decision to make a "run" for it and try to head back home to Kansas a day early.  I knew coming here that there was an outside chance that something could go "south" with the weather.  As I came over the pass yesterday, the sky was a beautifully crystal clear blue with just a few white puffy clouds in the sky.  The contrails from jets overhead had starting making interesting designs overhead.  Highway 50 couldn't have been more dry and cleared off so it was hard to imagine what it would be like this morning, just about 18 hours later.  I was soon to find out, the hard way.

When I pulled out this morning from Mike's house, here in Montrose, the car was packed up with the essentials that I needed.  I'd read the advisory page on the National Weather Service's site and so blankets, water, food, cell phone were at the ready.  I topped of my gas tank last night, remembering my late father's admonishment to NEVER let my gas go below the halfway mark.  It was a little sad to look back at Mike at the doorway watching me go, but I held up 3 fingers and smiled to signify that I'd be back in 3 weeks.  More on that later.

I kind of knew that I was in trouble by the time I got to the end of the driveway.  I couldn't see the tops of the mountains and realized that was probably not the best of signs.  So I said a quick prayer asking God to guide me safely back and if not, then to just take me on  to Heaven right away.  Now I know that sounds kind of sad but the truth is, it's what helped me to have the courage to even take out today.  I had faith that no matter what happened to me, I'd be ok and so off I went.  

The first ten miles were tolerable, with bits of snow and some ice on Highway 50 and although I wasn't a "lead foot",  I could at least go about 40 mph.  The next 18 miles were a "not so much" kind of moment and every mile I drove, I became more anxious about whether or not I would be able to make it even to Gunnison, let alone home.  After passing Cerro Summit at about the 16 mile mark, I realized it was time to make a decision as to whether or not to turn around.  And actually it really wasn't a question of whether to do it or not.  Rather, it was a question of "where?"

It's always amazing to me how things happen in life and this morning was no exception.  Having gone down this same road just a day earlier, I realized that places to turn around on the mountain go by the names "Slim and None".  So finally in my desperation I said "Hey, I could use some help here God.  Any places to turn around?"  And as the "Good Book" says, "Ask Peggy, and you shall receive" because right in front of me just ahead on the road was the little igloo that houses the road clearing equipment for the area.  

It was a great chance to turn around...too dang bad that I didn't realize that I was going into the ditch area first.  (wrong plan)  Before I knew it, my car was plowing head first into a place that I really didn't want to be in.  And as "Miller's Uncanny Luck" would have it, I was about as stuck as you can be and surely up that "proverbial creek" without even close to a paddle.  What seemed like an eternity but really was only about 15 minutes, I tried my best to get out of trouble.  I wracked my brain, trying to remember what my father had told me about getting myself out of being stuck in snow.  Sorry to admit, I couldn't recall one thing.  The more I tried, the worse it became and because the cell phone service in that area is NONE, I knew I was on my own.  It was a very sobering "wake up" call.  I was going nowhere fast and absolutely had no plan as to what to do.  One thing for sure I knew, I was not going to leave my vehicle, no matter what.  So I waited.

Out of the blue, a 4 wheel drive pick up came by and immediately stopped and the lesson I learned was one that from time to time, I have to reminded of.  There were two men in the truck and one of my first thoughts was that they must have saw the Kansas tags on the Honda and realized it was just some crazy flatlander who didn't have a clue on earth how to drive in snow on the mountains.  My next thought was that if I were to have met those two guys under other circumstances that I might have been afraid of them.  But you know when you are stuck in a ditch with snow up to your eyeballs, then what else can you do?  I had to trust them and thankfully I did.  With their help, I was able to get out of the ditch and somehow back on the road and headed back to where I should have stayed in the first place this morning.  And so tonight, here I sit safe and sound.  To those two men, I am most beholden.

Knowing full well that everything happens for a reason, I'm glad that I ended up staying here today.  I ended up having a great day and had the chance to meet and spend time with a very nice lady, one of Mike's dear friends and now one of mine as well.  Her name is Kit and she lives in a beautiful assisted living facility in town.  Here we are earlier today after a WalMart shopping journey and lunch out at noon.

I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed getting the chance to spend some time with Kit this day.  My mom passed on in 2007 and I still miss her now going on 6 years later.  Enjoying a couple of hours with someone else's "mom" was good medicine for me on this snowy Saturday in Colorado.  When I said good-bye to Kit this evening, she thanked me for helping her today.  Little did she know that she helped me much  more than I could have ever helped her today.  I look forward to seeing her again when I return.

And ok, speaking of returning~The time has come for me to make a change in life and I know that it will be a change for the very good.  My plans are to move here permanently when school is out in May.  For me, it's the chance to push life's "reset button" and move on into what I know is going to be a very nice future.  You need not worry about me in the least my friends and family.  I will be in the best of hands.  Luckily for me, Colorado and Kansas are next door neighbours on the map and I will be able to return for a visit whenever I can.  And as for this fellow, Mike Renfro, well trust me on this one friends, you would all approve.  I have been blessed dear ones and I thank God every day that even in the later years of life, we can indeed be very happy.  Good night everyone~peaceful sleep and the best of dreams to you all.  I am happy, at peace with life, and ready to go on.  This has truly been a great day to be alive in~May the same be said for you all tonight.  Love you guys, one and all!

Mike with "Sally" the Australian blue heeler~she lives with Kit at the assisted living facility and is loved by all there.  Mike and Sally are true friends.

From somewhere so very far away~

Good morning friends and family from the beautiful and majestic Rocky Mountains of Colorado.  I left my home in Kansas right after school was out yesterday and took a day of personal leave from school for today in order that I could make this journey.  When I was here 3 weeks ago, I found out something very interesting about myself and the something is this~I kinda/sort of love it here.  More on that later.  I made it as far as Canon City last evening and because I was way too tired to have been driving safely (yes, I know~You don't even have to tell me) I stopped for the night to get some rest before going on to the home of my very dear friend, Mike Renfro, in Montrose, Colorado.  I'm still several hours from there but at least now the journey will be made by a much more rested driver.  

As a teacher, I must have read the book, "Charlotte's Web", to students a bazillion times over the past 35 years.  One of my favourite lines in the book comes when Wilbur the pig is meditating over the many things that lie before him and the questions that he has of his life.  Will he be able to "special" enough that his life will be spared before he is butchered by the farmer?  Can Charlotte the spider REALLY be of help to him?  What if Fern, his little friend, forgets about him and he suddenly finds himself all alone in the big world?  LOL, such philosophical questions the author E.B. White suggests to us all as the readers.  At the end of the chapter, White writes "his stomach was empty but his mind was full and when your mind is full, then it's hard to sleep." 

My mind has been full of a lot of things lately~the business of life can sometimes catch up to you.  Sometimes you "second guess" yourself about things and I gotta tell you during that last hour's stretch of driving last night, I was sure as heck questioning why in the world I hadn't stopped for the night 30 miles back at Pueblo.  But I made it here, in one piece, thanks to a God that watches over even idiots like me who drive when they actually are getting too tired.  My guardian angel, well she's been putting in for either over time or early retirement, ever she got assigned to me.  I am thankful for all of the blessings of safe driving, no vehicle issues and any other thing associated with being behind the wheel of a car.  

When I got here last night, even as worn out as I was, I just couldn't fall asleep right away.  So when I am anxious or thinking about too many things, I try to do the one thing that calms me down immediately....I write in this blog.  I'm afraid I was a sight to behold..couldn't find a dang plug in anywhere but next to the sink in the bathroom. So the seat of the toilet became my chair and the side of the bathtub became my table and for the next 20 minutes I pounded away on the keys.  And after 20 minutes had passed I did the sanest thing I'd done all evening....I deleted what I wrote (because it wasn't what I really wanted to say anyway) and promptly fell fast asleep.  You'll be happy to know that the "falling asleep" part happened in my bed and not on the toilet stool :)  Just saying for those of you like my dear friends Dennis and Craig who might be wondering.

Right before waking this morning, I had the most wonderful dream about my mom.  We were all home there at her house and she had been away from us for so very long.  All of us had been missing her and everyone kept asking the others, "Have you seen Mom?  Does anyone know when she'll be back?"  Just at that moment the doorbell rang and when I went to answer it, there she stood smiling at me.  She looked beautiful and happy, a much younger version of herself than she was when she passed on in 2007 at the age of 87.  For the briefest moment in time I saw her there and she pulled me close to her, gave me a kiss and told me two things, that she loved me very much and that it was time go on.  Dang it all, then I woke up!  But I awoke with such a happy heart as is often the case when I dream about loved ones that have gone on before me and are there waiting for me to join them someday in Heaven.  But just an aside here, my mom would have "grounded me" for sure due to my driving tired last night.  She would have told me that I'll get to Heaven in God's time and that I don't have to make it any quicker than necessary.  :)  And she's right.

Well, I have to get going everyone.  The journey ahead is one of less miles but different terrain to cross.  Time to conquer the mountain and since Monarch Pass hasn't moved since I was here last, well I know what that means.  Because I cannot go around it and surely not under or through it, well that just means I have to go over it.  I am not afraid~I have done it before and I will do it again, many times.  More on that "life is about to change" idea later.  

Rest assured I am fine, my spirit is great, I've had a good solid sleep of 6 hours and my dear friend Mike will be meeting me on the "other side".....THAT's the Pacific side of the Continental Divide....not the other "other side".  This is Friday, the 8th day of February, 2013 and I am most positive, even now at this early morning hour, that at day's end this will have been the greatest of days to be alive in.  Rejoice in that guys!  I am thankful for every tiny blessing that I have been given this day and I remain way more determined than I would EVER be afraid.  Have I told you all that I love you?  If so, I just wanted to tell you again.

Even when things didn't exactly turn out as I had planned that evening, now 36 years ago....I still am thankful to have this photo of my parents...they were younger there than I am now :)  That's how my mom looked in the dream I had of her last night...the older I get the more I realize that I kind of look like her in a way.  I miss my parents but now I realize that their "part of the plan" had fulfilled itself and it was time for them to go as well.  John and Lois Scott, greatest parents that ever lived but of course, I do have a bias here LOL.

~Upon never looking back~

When I was a little kid growing up in Haven, my dad would sometimes take my little sister and I to town on Sunday mornings where we had our first experience ever of going to Sunday School.  The Haven United Methodist Church stood on the corner except it wasn't the modern looking stone one of today.  Instead it was the "old church" with a wooden frame exterior that was painted white.  The church was "catty-corner" from the Beltz sisters' house right there on Main Street, oops I mean Kansas Avenue.   I'll never forget the first Sunday that we went how shocked I was to learn that my music teacher at Haven Grade School, Mrs. Esther May, was also the Sunday School teacher for the 4th graders' classroom.  We found that many of our classmates at school also went to church there as well and even though going to Sunday School was awkwardly new for us, we soon got used to it and enjoyed going. 

For whatever crazy reason that this should stick out in my mind, I will never forget the first Bible story that I learned from Mrs. May.  It was the Old Testament story found in the 19th chapter of the book of Genesis in which Lot's wife turned into a pillar of salt when she disobeyed the angel's command to "not look back".  To be right honest, it kind of scared the living daylights out of me.  Imagining a person who would disobey God becoming a stone statue was just a little unnerving to the 9-year old girl that I used to be.  Weird what you remember from your childhood days~and how it seems to surface at just the right moments in time.

You know friends, I have spent a great deal of the 57-year span of my life doing just what Lot's wife did, "looking back".  And although I never turned into that proverbial "pillar of salt" as she did, I guess I truly have at times become my own version of that.  I would love to tell you that my life has been perfect from the "get-go" but if I did that, then I would lying to you.  I'm just like any other human being, just like you perhaps~I have made the same mistakes, sometimes twice or more.  I may have received my Master's Degree in Education in 2003 from Wichita State University,  but this I tell you with much conviction~I learned my greatest lessons in the school called "LIFE", with several visits to its satellite facility affectionately known as "The School of Hard Knocks".  I've been a regular there over the years.

Now on this idea of "looking back".....without a doubt there are some good reasons to look back on life because for sure, not EVERYTHING that happens is bad, painful or traumatic. Coming from a family of 7 kids, you can rest assured that we haven't always agreed with one another and hey, have had our differences.  But the wonderful times that we've had growing up together by far outweigh any negative.  There have been decisions that I made that, even though at the time I thought were the best for me, well they turned out to be not the best.  And through it all, I still learned and that "learning" is ongoing even as I type these words to you.

But it's the looking back with regret or the desire to return to what really isn't best for us that can harm us.  Ever been there at that point in time my friends?  Just a quick show of hands~I figured I probably wasn't alone in this.  I have my own way of looking at this thing we refer to as "life" and I would never preach to you or try to get you to see things my way as far as this is concerned.  But, here's the "gospel" according to me.......

My life has been planned out, far in advance, by someone much greater than me.  The path that had the name "Peggy Miller" on it lay waiting for me from the moment of my birth, October 26th, 1955.   As it would turn out to be,  I didn't stay on the "straight road, the most efficient way" instead I found myself taking some twists and turns that led me up mountains that were harder to scale than all of those I had to drive up along the Western slopes of Colorado.  Oh, and there have been some valleys as well and those valleys were a little on the "deep side" and it took just as much strength and energy to come out of those as it did to finally make it over the top of the mountain.  But I have made it and if you are still struggling with the journey, then you will make it too my friends!  Have faith and just believe.  Easier "said" than "done"?  Maybe~but please never give up hope.  It gets better all the time.

I got a nice message from one of the dearest and truest friends I have ever had in this life just a few days back.  We visit back and forth, sharing the news of what is happening in our lives.  You know how some people will be friends for life?  Well, that's what I hope he and I will be.  His message contained words of encouragement, for remembering the "plan" set out for me.  And although I have to admit that some of the advice he's given on my behalf over the years hasn't been exactly what I wanted to hear, I know that everything he has told me has been because he is a friend who truly cares about what happens to me.  The message's last words were these, "don't look back" and those 3 very powerful words are ones that I will hold dear to my heart from this day forward.

Friends, go forth in life.  Move forward~don't stand still and don't go backwards.  Life's brevity would dictate to all of us that our very days are numbered and have been for a long time.  Don't waste precious time by worrying about things that you can't change anyway and instead concentrate on the "goodness" and the blessings that are right in front of you....ones that come when you least expect it or when you are sure that they will never be yours.

Have a great Sunday, all of you!  Friends...I love you all and I thank you for your kindness to me always.  If I  needed anything, I could ask any of you and I am positive you would help me.  The same goes for me to you all.  We are all in this together and I cannot think of better people than you all to go through it with.

This is Sunday, the 3rd day of February in the year 2013~the very greatest of days to be alive in!

You know, I kinda like these two "kids" from the "Land of long ago, and far, far away".  "Two Peggys and the Rev."  You just never know where life will take you.  I've had a wonderful one so far and the future is going to be even better.  Imagine that!

~life's mysteries, part 2~

Good evening my dear friends from right here, smack dab in the middle of the United States~well kind of, sort of.  The good folks up near the Smith County, Kansas town of Lebanon can really lay claim to that because it's up there to the north of us that the geographical center of the 48 contiguous states really is.  South central Kansas, well we have our own "claims to fame" and one of Reno County's famous places is less than 5 miles from me~The Kansas Underground Salt Museum.  Taking the 650 foot journey under the ground is a real treat and if you've never had the chance to go, please be sure to visit any time you find yourselves in our neighbourhood.  Well worth the time and money spent to do so and that's my shameless plug for them.

I've been going through some old blog posts looking for some information that I knew was in one of them.  Spent the better part of an hour looking for it but to no avail.  Instead, I found what I was REALLY meant to see~a reminder of something I had written on the 15th day of November 2011.  It was a blog post referred to as "Life's Mysteries" and as I reread it, I realized just how strange life can sometimes turn out to be and in my case it has turned out for the very best.  

By the time that post was written, "Peggy's Bucket List Journey" was only 6 months old.  Much had happened to me by that time but much more was meant to come in the future.  The reason that I wrote it in the first place was because I struck by all the strange things that had happened to me since May of that year, 2011.  Things that were mysterious in nature and seemingly unable to be solved.  It all started in early June that year when I received this unusual letter in the mail from the local YMCA.  It was an enrollment form to begin taking swimming lessons for the first time since 1965, with a cryptic note at the top of it that read, "Bucket list item #2~You can do it!"  I never was able to determine which person I had known would have been so inclined to encourage me, a "water phobic" to get into the water once again.  My dear friend Cleta Ellington knows, but she 'aint saying and believe you me, I've tried a thousand times to get it out of her.  So if you are the person who did that for me anonymously, then I want you to know that the secret was always safe with Cleta.  Her lips are sealed.  Then there's the mystery of the beautiful lighthouse sign that was left on my porch one day when someone figured out how much I loved lighthouses and that I was going to Maine in the summer to see one for the first time.  I loved it so much and when I would look at it, I was reminded of a very fun journey that would lie ahead of me when school was out.  It shall always be in the Peggy Miller "over my dead body" pile and I will cherish it for the rest of my days.

And of course, that year of 2011 was the year of "old lefty" and one of the greatest mysteries of my life was the question of who the person was who, upon their death, left me the gift of their bone material.  When I wrote the November blog post, I had no idea who had died and subsequently donated it to me.  I had in my mind that it was someone who had something to do with the name Eleanore but that's all I thought I would know of them.  3 weeks after the blog post I received a wonderful message from the folks back east at the musculoskeletal tissue bank.  It was they who told me what little information I was able to find out about my donor.  What a blessing it was to learn that a 45-year old Missouri man had given the gift of his body's long bones in order that people like me would have a second chance in this life.  In my particular case, my arm was so badly messed up that the only hope was to use someone else's bone tissue.  I thank God for him every day and there's not a day that goes by that I'm not reminded of it.  All I have to do is look at "old lefty" and I know what a gift it was to receive.

You know friends, are you like me?  Have you noticed how certain things, when you very least expect them, happen to us?  Sometimes they are bad, I'll admit that, but you know 5 times as many good things have happened to me than bad things.  People have come in and out of my life as if they were entering a revolving door...some of them have stayed and others stayed for just a while.  I'm positive that there are others just waiting to cross paths with me.    I give thanks, right now, for all of the people who have been a part of my life and for what they have done for me, I will always be beholden to them.

I'm going to reprint that November column here below....sometimes it's just nice to go back and remember where you have been and how far you have come along in this life.  I am moving forward into whatever my future shall turn out to be, still way more determined than I would ever be afraid.  Have a good evening friends, one and all.  You are loved!

Visiting the Roseman Bridge, Madison County, Iowa in November of 2011.  In between surgeries on "old lefty".

The blog post below, "Life's Mysteries" from November of 2011....

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

life's mysteries

Friends, this post has nothing to do with "bucket lists" but perhaps everything to do with "I wonder why?" lists.  And my young friends who are reading this, maybe you haven't lived through enough experiences yet to even understand where this comes from....but you will, sooner or later.  Mark my words, you will.


Do you ever have those times in life when you wonder why certain things happen the way they do?  How one thing can set in place a series of things that sooner or later make their way to you?  It might take weeks or even months before you realize its full impact but once you see it happen, you can't help but think in amazement at it all.


One of my favorite phrases to quote as I have written this blog is, "It's all just a part of the plan."  And most of the time I believe that without questioning it and accept it as part of life's journey.  But other times I find it harder to understand and quite often find myself trying to figure out "why" some things happen the way that they do.  And guess what?  That approach doesn't work out too good for me.  


In fact, today as I was trying to figure out "life's mysteries", I received another "whack on the head" from God above.  And the message I got was this~"Peggy, stop trying to figure everything out.  Just trust Me that I know what I'm doing."  Any of you ever received that message from Him?  I get it all the time~and surely glad that God doesn't mind repeating Himself, over and over and over again because I seem to have a hard time giving that one up.


My life has been full of blessings and many of them have been totally unexpected ones.  Things that I never figured would happen to me seem to occur without any type of warning.  Take "Eleanor", my donor's bone segment, for example.  Because I don't know for sure who it was that gave the bone to me I can only speculate.  But this I do know, perhaps as long ago as 2009, someone lost their life.  They could have been a man or a woman, a young boy or girl.  Chances are likely that whoever it was, they were healthy and died accidentally or from some other form of trauma.  Whoever that person was, either they or their family members decided that when they died, they didn't want their life to really end without making one last difference in the world.  They made the decision to donate healthy parts of their body to someone who might need it.


Fast forward 2 years, August 4th, 2011.  A normally very careful bicycle rider (that'd be me) was riding home following a very wonderful morning ride.  Going way too fast, wearing no helmet and trying to jump a curb with her bike was a recipe for disaster.  In a split second of time, after crushing many of the bones in the wrist and arm, that rider desperately needed help.  That help came in the form of a donor's bone just a few days later.  The right people were in the right place at the right time for everything to come together.  Medical professionals knew what to do to retrieve the bone sample from my donor's body~medical professionals in Wichita, Kansas knew what to do to implant it into mine.  A series of events, very bittersweet, came together~~one life was given and another one was saved.  


I have been privileged to meet so many people in this life~many of whom I would have never dreamt to meet one day.  Our friendships have been forged through some of the strangest of circumstances, some of the most unusual series of events.  Oh man, how one thing leads to another and another and another....until finally it finds you.  


So, for life's mysteries, I still give thanks.  I may never know why some things have happened to me or why certain people came into my life at a specific point in time.  One thing I do know is this~I don't really have to know everything but I do have to trust that it was for the good.  May all of you reading this be able to accept the mysteries that life gives to you.  Don't try to figure them all out friends~sometimes it's better to not know.  Have a good evening everyone!