R.I.P.~Peggy's broken left arm~August 4, 2011 - November 4, 2011
I had only made the first downstroke of the letter "R" when I suddenly stopped "dead in my tracks". What was I thinking? This was definitely a "counting your chickens before they hatch" kind of moment. I couldn't say with 100% confidence that this would be the day that Dr. Chan would pronounce me well enough to dismiss from his care. Before further "hexing" myself, I put the lid on the Sharpie and tucked "old lefty" into the splint. And I was off!
Seems kind of weird that it would be 3 months to the exact day that I would have the chance to be released from the good doctor's care. Even more unusual that it would be on November 4th. In our family, November 4th always marked a sad time in life. On that date in 1969, one of my older sisters, Janice, died in a car accident at the age of 27. Every year that followed, it seemed like a black cloud hung over our house when the calendar turned to that date. If my mom were alive today, she'd have not been happy that I was going to the doctor today of all days. But as I drove over to Wichita, I couldn't help but think that maybe, just MAYBE, November 4th could end up being a good day after all. And for all intents and purposes, it was.
My physical therapy appointment went pretty routinely. Kim did all the appropriate measurements and as usual, I had improved in some ways and gone backwards in others. I even manage to stay the same from time to time. All in all, he thought I had done the best I could do for now. One thing he did was measure the strength of "old lefty" in comparison to my right hand. Don't know if any of you have ever had that done...but all you do is squeeze this little apparatus and it measures the strength of the hand. I squeezed with all my might with the right hand and came up with a score of 58, respectable I hope for a woman of my age. Then it was "old lefty's" turn...man, did I ever attempt to squeeze that thing but unfortunately, it was not quite good enough. As a matter of fact, I scored a miserable 18. Guess that's a sign that I've got some more work to do. Kim gave me some new exercises to do at home in order to build up the strength in the hand and wrist as well as my shoulder. I'd forgotten to even think about how the shoulder had faired in all of this. Oh, and by the way, the hammer? Well, Kim was showing me how to use it as a means of occupational therapy as well. You kind of sort of twirl it around while bending your wrists. Hard to explain but just goes to show you that you don't need to spend a ton of money on fancy stuff to do your therapy at home.
Even though I would be glad to no longer have to drive back and forth for therapy each week, it was kind of hard to realize that I wouldn't be back. Kim had this way of "keeping me in check", of "calling me out" when I perhaps had been slacking a bit in my exercises at home. Now it was going to indeed be up to me to keep the therapy up at home. As I left his office at noon, it was a with the sober realization that "well sister, it's totally in your hands now..."
I arrived for my afternoon appointment with Dr. Chan with a little bit of apprehension. I wasn't sure what he'd say at all. Maybe I was all wrong, maybe I wouldn't get out of the splint today. As usual, the first order of business when visiting the doctor is getting my x-rays done. So off to x-ray I went.
Oh man, have I ever come a long way from the first x-rays of "old lefty" back on August 4th. As you may recall, that might have been one of the worst times in my life. Those poor x-ray technicians had to hold me down....a screaming, thrashing about wild woman who couldn't seem to stop uttering a certain four-letter expletive. I really HAVE to find those young women some day and apologize and if I do find them, my first words to them will be..."Don't be afraid because I come in peace." Every set of x-rays done, and there have been 7 more sets, got easier to do. Yesterday I just flopped "old lefty" up there and said, "Is this how you need it?" A piece of cake now!
Yesterday I asked if there was a way that I could have my x-rays back from my initial visit to the ER. I had never seen those...if I did, it was under the influence of a whole lot of morphine. They gladly returned them to me and this is what they looked like.
Guys, I am a "lowly teacher" who works as a CNA part-time. I have not much medical knowledge, especially at reading x-rays....but EVEN I can tell by looking at those pictures that it's no wonder that I have spent the last 3 months trying to get over this! The ulna and radius, those wonderful bones that we all have in our arms, well normally they don't look like this. In fact, WOW, not even remotely close to this. The wrist area is missing about, oh I don't know, well probably 75% of what it's supposed to have too. As I looked at the x-rays I realized why it was that after I wrecked, I had to reach down and scoop up my arm. That thing wasn't going anywhere without a WHOLE lot of assistance. It was a real awakening for me to see these pictures. And for those of you who were surprised when I told you that it didn't hurt to get my first tattoo a couple of weeks back.....do you see why now? LOL
When Dr. Chan came into my room to take a look at things, he was accompanied by two other "official" looking doctors. Immediately I thought, "oh dang, this doesn't look good." But my fears were calmed when he introduced them as members of his team and that he wanted them to see how things had turned out for me.
After studying my new x-rays and visiting with me about how I thought things were going, he rendered the "verdict". And the "verdict" was a good news/bad news kind of one. I always start with the good part.....kind of like remembering to thank the Lord for all of the good things that have happened in your life before you start bellyaching about all the bad stuff. Ok, Ok, at least TRYING to remember!
The good news was that my arm and wrist have begun healing together very nicely. There are still gaps which means that the healing process is not over, not over by a long shot! I asked about "Eleanor's" bones and with a smile on his face, he told me that the area where my donor's bone was implanted was slowly but surely being overtaken by my own new bone growth. And you know, that was the part in my appointment that nearly made me cry....and I say again, and again, and again....Who ever that person was, who with their death, made the decision to donate their bones to someone just like me.....well, I will always be forever grateful and in their debt. Wow, to "die with your eyes shut and your heart WIDE OPEN"......that's how I'm going to choose to leave this place too.
Dr. Chan reminded me, several times in fact, that I needed to continue to be careful, very careful. One slip, one fall with landing just the right way, could spell disaster for me. He told me I could now take the splint off but to keep it handy and use when I was in situations that jeapordize the healing process. For example, I like to walk a mile each day and that would be a great time to put the splint on, just for extra protection. And of course, you know I had to ask the question....when can I ride again? I knew how he would react....he drew in a deep breath, and with a very serious look on his face, he said it would be ok but to always wear my splint and NO MORE 10-mile rides...for now a mile or two is all I should go. I know that you are not going to believe this, but I made a decision yesterday after visiting with him. The bike is going to stay indoors on the trainer until the warm weather of April comes back around again. I cannot take another chance of getting hurt. Although riding is my passion, being able to use "old lefty" takes precedence is this case.
Now for the "bad news" and friends it wasn't totally unexpected. Any of you who have ever seen my arm up close and bared know that there is a really weird bony prominence that sticks up on the left side of the wrist. It hurts me, especially when it brushes up against something. I knew that wasn't going to be an "ok" thing to have. I don't know how to explain it in medical terms but I do know how to explain it in the "Peggy Miller" way. You know that little bone that sticks up on the side of our wrists? The one that makes your wrist look like "a wrist"? When I wrecked that day, I broke that bone completely off and because of the seriousness of the other injuries, the doctor left it alone. That little bone began to reattach itself within the arm and did so rather "willy-nilly". Also, the length of ulna....that bone on our left is too long now. So the doctor plans on surgery for me in January to go in and make that area "ok" again. It will involve removing a section of the ulna and then screwing the two bones together and while they are in there, just for good measure, they'll make that bony prominence look better. Hopefully, by doing this I'll regain a whole lot of range of motion for the wrist. I already have about half of it back but I'll take whatever else they can get me. Also, unfortunately, the numbness in the hand and fingers is once again returning. After telling Dr. Chan what was going on, he felt like a "carpal tunnel" release could also take place during that surgery and I would see a great improvement. Of course all of this will require being in a long-arm cast again (ooh, and you know how I LOVE long-arm casts) for probably 6-8 more weeks. BUT I WANT TO BE BETTER and it least THIS time I will have a "heads up" and know how to prepare for it. For now, Dr. Chan wants to give "old lefty" the next 8 weeks to continue to heal. And I really liked his last comment to me...."Peggy, we want this surgery to be the LAST one you will need." And I definitely vote for that opinion.
So there you have it friends....in "novel" form, my verdict. I can live with it-really I can! My intention for the next 8 weeks is to return to my "bucket list" and do as many of the things that I can while I still have two good hands to do it with. And oh, aren't we humans silly and my words just proved it....I have no idea on earth what lies ahead for me. I'm just thinking of terms of having another surgery...but really, I have GOT to remember to live each day, one day at a time, as if it were the last day I ever had on this earth. Well, there you go-another "whack" on the head from someone who knows way more than all of us could ever even feebly attempt to know and understand. Thanks God for the "wake up" call...geesch, I think that makes about 155 of them in 2011 alone. Have a great day my friends and it is with a grateful heart that I thank you for everything each of you has done for me in the past 3 months. I couldn't have made it without YOU!
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